The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Stupid Things I Did Today

Okay, so it's still as cold as a well digger's undercarriage around these parts (okay, Rabbitch, so it probably isn't THAT cold....then again, perhaps I have a particularly sensitive welldigger....and undercarriage, too, for that matter. It's gotta be that. It can't be that I'm a giant puss when it comes to the cold. Right?) and the state patrol is still getting on the news to look young and earnest and advise people to use caution, while showing footage of asses even dumber than myself sliding their cars down icy streets on the wrong side of signs that say "road closed." So. Naturally it came to Mr. K that we should get in the truck and drive up to Everett (30 or so miles north of us?) so he could go to a tool store that he likes there. This worried me a tad, but he was sure it was safe (don't worry--this doesn't end badly) and asked me to go with him. Which I did....not because I truly believe that my presence will prevent bad things from happening to him but, rather, because I will at least find out about the bad things sooner and thus shorten my worrying time considerably. I'm nothing if not efficient.

So we got in the truck and I brought along some knitting and was knitting happily along about halfway to Everett when it dawned on me: I was worried about the possibility of a car accident, so I brought along and was holding in my hands not one, not two, but FIVE pointy sticks. And not just pointy sticks--sticks with points on each end. Because, God knows, if you're going to get in a car accident, you really want to increase your chances of putting an eye out as much as possible. I'm an idiot. I threw caution to the winds, however, and accomplished this much (hopefully) improved ugly sock:

Now, I realize that many of you have tastes far surpassing the aforementioned deranged magpie that inspired mine, but I do think this is better than its predecessor. And hey--if you wore these and it got dark and you didn't have a light, you'd only need to pull up a pant leg. I'm not totally sure they glow in the dark, but they certainly look as if they might absorb all light within a two block radius, don't they?

Monica, I tried to get Ed to pose with it for you, but he evidently also has better taste than I do:

No, he is NOT barfing down the back of the couch...

Anyway, we completed the trip with no incidents, in spite of the serious mental alteration that might have resulted from my standing around Harbor Freight Tools inhaling all that testosterone. (Although, come to think of it, I've had a mysterious urge to scratch my privates and spit ever you suppose there's a connection?)

I did not, alas, get to make the anatomically correct snow angels (perhaps I should have taken advantage of the testosterone overdose, though....those could have been really interesting snow angels...) but I did make cookies. I cheated a bit and used a recipe I already invented some time ago, but that's what I craved so there you are. I call them Ms. K's Cardiac Arrest Peanut Butter Bars. I will assure you right up front that they are not healthy. They are not one bit healthy. I believe you need to provide a note from a cardiologist in order to eat them legally. But they definitely soothe the soul of the partially housebound knitter and this is my blog so I get to dispense recipes for the most unhealthy food in the world if I want to. They're chilling right now, so I don't have a picture of them cut (which is really how they look the best) but this is them before they went into the fridge (the lumps are chopped peanuts...we only had chunky peanut butter):

I usually make the larger pan of these but Mr. K doesn't care for them. And it's not that I couldn't eat the bigger pan--rather, it's precisely because I COULD eat the bigger pan that I opted for this smaller one.

Okay, so this is a serious fly-by-the-seat-of-your pants recipe. I whipped it up and do a lot of it by "feel" and so on. Don't let this scare you. There's no chemistry involved--it will not fail if you don't get it all exactly right. There IS no exactly right. Trust me. You start by lining a pan with foil unless you are less lazy than Ms. Knitingale...but I suggest doing it even if you are. These are kinda messy. This is an 8x8 pan; put about 3/4 stick of butter in it. (Remember: Weight Watchers has never asked me to be their spokesperson. There is a reason for this, and it is most assuredly not that I am too skilled in the art of eating healthy. Keep this in mind.) Stick it in the oven to melt (350 is good) and, while it's melting, make some kind of cookie crumbs (chocolate wafers, vanilla wafers--whatever tickles your fancy). You're going to make a cookie crust...for cookies. Kind of like the cookie crust on a pie. The amount of cookie crumbs should be enough to cover the bottom of the pan without gaps. (It's not science--it can be thicker or thinner and it won't hurt them at all. I just throw a handful of cookies in a bag and hammer the crap out of them and stir them into the butter and see if it's enough.) Mix the crumbs with the melted butter with a fork until all the crumbs are moistened. Add more crumbs if necessary (making sure to mix them until moist) to cover bottom of pan evenly and press it down. Bake for ten minutes. While that's baking, put 1 stick of butter and 1 1/2 cups of peanut butter in a bowl. Beat it with a mixer until it becomes smooth and paler than when it started. Add about half a teaspoon of vanilla. Beat in about half a cup of powdered sugar and then enough graham cracker crumbs (a cup is a good start) so that it's stiff enough to handle (but not all the way to playdoh). Add crumbs as needed if it's not stiff enough. (The Viagra joke here would be too easy, wouldn't it?) Again, how thick to make it is only a matter of taste. If it's thinner than you want it, add more crumbs. Easy. When the crust is done, take it out of the oven and gently put the peanut butter stuff on it. There will be plenty, and it will be tall. Worry not. Get the top as level as you can but don't lose sleep over it. Now put about half a bag of chocolate chips (milk or dark--your choice, but I prefer milk) in a bowl with a tablespoon of peanut butter and melt it in the microwave. Stir until blended and spread over peanut butter mixture. Chill until set. Allow one-eyed black and white cat to lick peanut butter off hands because she is truly the weirdest cat in the world and absolutely loves it. Wash hands because loving cats does not make cat spit an any more pleasant fragrance. Cut cookies into bars and enjoy. Plan lots of situps for the associated guilt. I'll put up a picture of the finished cookie bars tomorrow when I can cut them. If you can resist at that point, it's out of my hands.

I saw a plaque the other day that asked "What if remembering to get the laundry out of the washer before mildew sets in is really all there is to success?" Which suggests that I'd best go put the laundry into the dryer before my success is threatened. Before I do, however, I'll leave you with a photo of the cat who didn't turn her back on me (largely because she was afraid I'd take back the office chair...which I did):


  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger Faren said…

    The socks are much better, still loud, but not ugly. We knitters live dangerously don't we? Pointy sticks all over the place. Glad you didn't end up in a ditch!

  • At 8:06 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Dudette, those cookie bars sound GOOD. I really would like some kind of cookie right now, but too damned I don't have everything I need for what I want....and I'm not going out 'there', nope.
    Yes, your sock looks just fine, I guess it was the closet magpie in me that really liked the other one, not that I would've worn it...heh...but I did like it.

  • At 11:45 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Sock 2.0 - oh yeah!! Not ugly at all, and the solid cuff looks great. And ahh, more Ed...I can live with Ed regally ignoring the sock. He looks just as gorgeous from the back as from the front. Gracie - it is Gracie, isn't it? Sorry, I've been somewhat, er, focused on Ed - looks so pretty, too. Despite the fact that you know, she probably gave you an extremely disgruntled look when you turfed her (gently) out of the chair, peanut butter or no.

    The cookies sound deadly. Thank god I have some Reeses, or I'd be frantically wondering if my little corner store a few blocks away has graham crackers. And you get the young, earnest state patrol officers? I'm jealous. Portland TV always seems to show the older, rather dour veterans (dour likely from having to deal with idiot drivers for years, bless 'em). Dammit. Ok, lots of the 'older' ones are probably younger than me, but still. If I'm gonna be watching guys in uniforms on TV, I want me some eyecandy! [eg]

  • At 12:20 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    You gorgeous cats you cat would lick me frantically after swimming . Anyhow I don't like peanut butter but make something similar with oats ,butter and syrup ( really loved by dentists).
    I absolutely hate D.I.Y ( tool ) shops and go into a sort of coma in them which is not fair as I drag Jeff around yarn stores. At least the clothes shop Holly loves has good papers ( no tabloids) and a big row of benches for guys. We need benches at the D.I.Y shop so we can knit . I once tried to do this on the bus to Jeff's Mum but you need to understand the area ..kind of makes places in "The Shield "look quaint . Holly wanted to die on the spot as we got stared at for not wearing the regulation clothes .Mean kinda looks and honest to God I don't think they'd seen knitting .So I gave that up and tried a book ...not good either. Saying "hello" seemed to invlove a kind of thumbs down gesture like a Roman emperor .We only felt safe when the "Praise the Lord" grans got on .I take knitting to Jeff's office and all the cleaners are from Jamaica and will not get it that it is not crochet .Poor Holly cringes if I take the stuff out now but it saves my sanity.I have to visit Mum today , she won't hear a thing I say .Jeff will vacumn as an alternative to bellowing at her and I will knit and she will stare at my knitting scowling .She's got to be really cranky and I don't knit anything she recognises except as a heap of weirdness. The sparkly yarns are tantamount to the devil's danglers . After ( if I'm sane )we are off to town to buy a new cooker in the sales.

  • At 5:18 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    hink the crayon socks, (which is what I'm going to call them), look great, loving the cookies too. Keith hates me knitting in the car, especially socks, just incase of an accident, he's never had an accident, but always worries about some idiot hitting us!

  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger Ms. Knitingale said…

    Hmmm....oats, butter, and syrup....would that be treacle, Ang? I'll bet it is, and I'll bet they totally rock, even though 4 out of 5 dentists disapprove. You about killed me with that "devils danglers" comment. Snorted tea right up my nose. Good luck today, bellowing at your mum. Monica, you have an awesome memory. The little black and white kitty is Miss Gracie...and you're right. The peanut butter did not help the fact that I took back the chair! Jo, I actually call them the crayon socks, too...and isn't it funny how those needles seem perfectly safe to us? I take 'em everywhere. (Although I agree with Angie that the tool store needs a bench for knitters....) I love your inner magpie, Marianne. It and mine must have conspired to make that first dreadful sock! And thank you for sending the safe thoughts, Faren. Clearly, my intelligence won't be a factor in keeping my eyes intact....

  • At 9:29 AM, Blogger ambermoggie said…

    love the crayon socks and this time of year we need bright don't we? I make something similar to your peanut thingies using syrup(golden syrup) and cinnamon
    oohh need to go and eat something. Good job I've got my clementine cake in the larder:))
    amber scotland

  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger Vintageme said…

    Golden Syrup is cane sugar liquid , not as dark as Treacle .It's golden like maple syrup not not as expensive.Being Holly again or I'll get thrown off .


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