I don’t mean to seem….ungrateful, or anything…but I’m just a tad bit tired of this winter.
Mr. K and I were wondering what in the world can be causing all these storms. My theory is that the heavens are intending to smite George Bush but confused Washington State and Washington D.C. Mr. K thinks it may have something to do with global warming…but I’m pretty sure it’s the smiting thing.
In the name of public education, I’ve put together the following preparedness list for those folks who may also be facing a possible power outage:
1. Stare disbelievingly at TV weatherperson.
2. Swear loudly.
3. When husband comes in to see what all the swearing is about, demand to move to somewhere without windstorms. Or without tall trees, in any event.
4. When husband points out impracticality of #3, tell him that there is such a thing as being too reasonable and calm.
5. Eat a half a bag of Pirate’s Booty, with the theory that am entitled to comfort food at a time like this.
6. Besides, Pirate’s Booty is at least fairly healthy—not like Cheetos or something.
7. Consider above comment about Cheetos; tear apart pantry hunting for Cheetos (if it’s going to be dark for another week, my ass will not be all that noticeable, after all)
8. Consider heating house to 90 degrees just so it takes longer to get cold; consider that husband will likely have heart attack if presented with $900 energy bill. Discard this idea.
9. Stare out window at gathering storm, demand to know why it can’t go mess with someone else this time?
10. Realize that talking to weather system is probably not a healthy sign.
11. Consider laying in a supply of alcoholic beverages against possibility of yet another week locked up in the one room we can keep warm without electricity; realize do not drink. Grumble that no virtue goes unpunished. Reject alcohol idea.
12. Gather candles together with lighter, make sure lighter works. Pat self on back for having one sensible moment. Resume whimpering.
13. Wonder for the millionth time why never remember to obtain unscented candles for such situations, and consider what the combination of winter berry, spiced apple, clean linen, guava, and cinnamon roll will smell like. Reason that the resulting nausea may well offset the half bag of Pirate’s Booty. Add bayberry candle to the assortment. And gardenia.
14. Check flashlights for batteries, place one next to my knitting (which is where will probably be when power once again goes out). Comfort self with fact that more power outages may possibly give weight to argument that having lots of wool on hand is a sensible precaution against drafts and hypothermia. Wonder if this counts as a wool emergency that would excuse one from stash dieting.....?
15. Keep checking news, as if it were the phone from the governor’s mansion and a reprieve might be coming. Swear each time it isn’t.
16. Watch branches whip around outside window. Glare at them as though they might be shamed into stopping. Realize that attempting to stare down a tree is probably another bad sign in terms of mental health status. Blame George Bush.
17. Laugh slightly hysterically at the notion of blaming a Bush for the trees.
18. Note that wind occasionally dies down almost completely. Try not to imagine that this is heavens pausing to take another deep breath prior to huffing and puffing and blowing house down.
19. Speak to husband on phone. Advise him that trees appear to be moving somewhat alarmingly. Tell him that is reply “As long as they’re not moving towards you, it’s okay” is a tad flippant.
20. Promise to be less crazy when husband returns home.
21. Wonder why have not laid in supply of Valium.
22. Remember do not take pills. Remember that chocolate is worst vice. 23. Wonder how many m&m’s it takes to become really, really calm.
I’m going to knit and glare out the windows. If you live in Washington DC, please come get your weather.