The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Things I Know Today

My Seahawks, instead of proudly running to glory, are currently going about the business of getting their asses handed to them by Dallas. I cannot bear to watch any longer so have come to share the much better company of all of you and tell you what I know today (which is really not much more than I knew yesterday but, as I've said, I'm trying to become an optimist in matters un-yarny). So:

1. I went to Yarn Yoga last night for the first time. This does not, as you might expect, involve knitting in the lotus position or downward dog or whatever. This is good because I am old and un-bendy and even in the presence of the spitefully cheerful size one instructors who assure me that doing it every day will change my life, I remain stubbornly unpretzeled. What it really is (the class) is a knit night sort of thing, offered for free twice a month at the Ben Franklin store. I didn't bring my camera--I figured it was better to let them get used to me before revealing my not-so-inner lunatic--so I have no pictures to share just yet. (Don't worry--I can't contain said lunatic for too long. Next time will probably be my limit.) But I met a lovely young woman named Melanie, also known as The Stitchin' Wench. Go check her out and tell me she isn't just the cutest thing. Very bright and funny, too. She had her boyfriend with her who is also a knitter, and was one before they met. This made me fantasize briefly about my life if hubby was a knitter. Imagine the trips to yarn stores! Imagine the shared excitement hunting for cool patterns and deals on angora! Then someone asked Melanie if her boyfriend was, like her, on a stash diet. She said no, and that if he was he would probably just raid her stash.

....!....

I hadn't thought of that, but it gave me a chill....hang on while I go spray man repellant around all my knitting things.

2. Okay, I'm back. The second thing I know today is that Ben Franklin folks are quite evil. They give out 10% off coupons to every knitter who attends Yarn Yoga every time. They're only good for a day--you can't hoard them (or whore them, for that matter) but still. I'm on a stash diet and they're handing out the yarn equivalent of discounted eclairs every two weeks. Evil. Plain evil.

3. I got my Lamb's Pride from the good folks at the Yarn Exchange (I don't remember the URL to link it and I'm too shamefully lazy to go hunt for it...but it's easy to find if you don't already go there) and not only did it travel here just under the speed of sound, they also sent me a free little rubber bracelet that says "Just let me finish this row!" I LOVE these people.

4. I've started to make this truly lovely sweater out of yarn from my stash (you can almost see the halo, can't you?), and I'm just insane enough to try to make it out of somewhat lighter weight yarn (I am not a fan of chunky yarns) by using smaller needles and following the instructions for the largest size. I feel certain that this will end in tears...but I am foolish and loathe to learn from my knitting mistakes. It appears that this will not change much in 2007.

5. We lost power again last night for a few hours which is still not my very favorite thing no matter how many times nature and PSE try to convince me that it should be. But it reminded me of something I wanted to share. See, the last really huge storm we had happened to fall on Inauguration Day and so everyone has always called it (brace yourself here for stunning creativity) The Inauguration Day Storm (I warned you, didn't I?). But the Dec. 14 one that plunged so many of us into days and days without power and took out innocent toyotas (no, I'm still not bitter) was thoughtless enough to fall on an ordinary day. The newspapers don't know what to call it....so they're having a competition to name it. Swear to wool.

You know guys, I'm still picking branches up out of my yard, I'm still dealing with the injury from pulling the damned tree top off my car, I incurred at least $2000 worth of damage to that car, we were without power for six days and nights and we didn't even have it the worst of anyone--I got a name for your storm. How about "Evil Minded Sonofabitch"?

I shared that thought with Mr. K who advised me that newscasters probably didn't want to have to try to look all suave while giving reports about weather with those kinds of names. I say those newscasters are big babies. C'mon, wouldn't you love to hear:

"And to you Jim, for the weather."
"Thank you, Susan. In tonight's weather, Utter Bastard is expected to cause severe wind damage up north, even as people continue to assess the damage from last week's Complete Sonofawhore. Elsewhere, Tropical Storm Destructive Bitch has been upgraded to Hurricane Crazy Damned Destructive Bitch. We'll stay on that story for you as the evening progresses. Satellite pictures show what may be the start of Total, Relentless Asshole forming out over the ocean, as well as Holy Crap Not Another Storm, I'm Gonna Kill Someone southwest of that. Back to you, Jim, and be sure to watch out for Utter Bastard on the way home tonight."

Big babies. I know I'D enjoy watching the weather more if they did it that way.

Mr. K just came in and told me that my Seahawks have apparently rallied and may possibly be taking possession of their asses back. It's a January miracle. I'm gonna go watch before they screw it up again. Happy knitting to those of you who do, and be sure to watch out for any Utter Bastards brewing in your area.

9 Comments:

  • At 8:57 PM, Anonymous Jill said…

    I really had nothing brilliant to say. I was just surprised at being the first poster!
    I really like the sweater pattern, I saw your halo! I'd watch the news more regular if Mike Sobel(weatherdude) talked like that!

    Happy Knitting

     
  • At 9:30 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Delurking to say oh, brilliant on the storm names! Down here in OR the Columbus Day Storm of 1962 was the last big one before Evil Minded Sonofabitch. (That I really noted, anyway.) If I'd been old enough to be allowed to use that kind of language, I'd have called CDS '62 the Holy Shit, The Bastard Nearly Uprooted the Front Porch Along With the Dogwood Tree Storm. Alas, I was only 7, so lost my opportunity. At least that tree stayed put. The one by the driveway didn't.

    And what is it with our NW newscasters refusing to use the word hurricane? So what if they're only - hah - Category 1 or 2? They're still hurricanes!

     
  • At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Apparently your Seahawks are united with their nether regions. Glad about Dallas, though Mr. Roma (Romo?) comes from my home county. Big hero. Maybe not so much now. And we all know about Coach Holmgren and your QB and thier Packer history...wow, how'd i get to be chatting football here?

    The whole storm naming thing is gonna rock. I'm sure there'll be some lame winner with no hint of the panache you show. Alas.

     
  • At 12:41 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    I'd have loved the hurricane of 1982 to have been called a complete bastard cos we don't get too many here and waking up to find half England's trees and roofs was a tad shocking.That we slept through it all amazes Holly .
    I have often fantasised about Jeff knitting but know it won't happen and if it did he'd want all my Noro so keep playing that guitar husband dear even if it drives us bonkers.

     
  • At 5:13 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    whoops make that 1987..see how well we slept!

     
  • At 7:39 AM, Blogger Ms. Knitingale said…

    Monicapdx, I'm still snorting with laughter at that storm name! So glad you delurked. Ang, I would be surprised that you slept through a hurricane but for the fact that Mr. K slept through Evil Minded Son of a Bitch with no difficulties, while I jumped and started all night. Jill, I love comments--they're ALL brilliant in my book. Connecting with folks out in the ether is the whole reason I write (and isn't that pattern just the coolest?). And yes, anonymous, my Seahawks have recaptured their asses...barely. I have faith, however, that the Bears will be happy to do the asshanding job for them next week....

     
  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Oh jeeze yes on the storm names...and what would you call the snow storm that dumped on Denver I'm wondering?
    I'm leaving that up to you and I hope to hear about it.
    I'm still gigglesnorting at monica's storm-name.

     
  • At 9:47 AM, Blogger Dianne said…

    Your blog is always the most entertaining and educational!!..Your writing skill is awesome!..I love the storm names..I truly think the forecasters should be more graphic..would certainly hold my attention..We don't get those 'big mama jammas' here..heck, we can't even seem to buy a snowflake this year..what's with this weather??..I dare say the 'global-warming' word if there are Republicans reading..lol

     
  • At 10:07 AM, Blogger Vintageme said…

    I raid Mum's stash as often as possible but she doesn't use 4ply often so I have to buy it ...alas!

     

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