The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Friday, January 19, 2007

Random Friday

Dissecting a cow's heart is no way to finish a week, and it is both fascinating and gross. Heavy on the gross.

If your lab instructor insists (as mine does) on using fresh, unpreserved specimans, it can be helpful to choose a lab partner who wears strong fragrance of some kind. If she's shorter than you, strong scented hair gel is good enough, as long as you can sort of keep it between you and the hunk of dead animal you're being asked to carve up.

When using your lab partner's hair as an antidote to the scent of aging cow heart, it is wise to be surreptitious. People look at you funny if they suddenly catch you smelling their hair. Go figure.

The phrase "Hey, look, I found something cool" when uttered anywhere else in the lab is code for one of these things: a) "I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at and I'm hoping the instructor will come tell me" b)"I'm having as much fun as a 9-year-old boy with a booger fascination and I'm doing absolutely nothing scientific but it is rewardingly disgusting or c) "I just filled the chambers of my cow heart with water and I'm about to squeeze it to watch how the blood would flow but I have completely forgotten about the teacher's advice to 'squeeze gently' so will be getting a face full of nasty water in about 5 seconds". This last, at least, has the potential to be long as it isn't your lab partner.

I was at the grocery store and I stopped to pick up refills for my plug-in air freshener and happened to notice one labelled "Dual Scented". Only I could have sworn that it said "Dude Scented." I wondered if it smelled like a sweaty guy (which could be okay or horrid but most likely would fall somewhere close to the horrid end of things and hence would only be useful at all if you had something that smelled even worse to deal with) or if it smelled like things guys like. I'm trying to imagine a "Beer and Pizza" air freshener. Or, in the case of my metalworking husband (he makes knives as a hobby), "Hot Metal and Sawdust".

People look at you funny if you start giggling for no apparent reason in the air freshener aisle at Safeway.

Mr. K did mention once that he wondered why women always wore perfume scented like flowers and citrus and green tea when none of those fragrances were of particular interest to men. Which led me to a mental picture of a husband coming home and hugging his wife, then stepping back to say "Wow, you look great tonight, Honey. And is that 30-weight Motor Oil you're wearing? Nice."

There have been a number of scientists over the centuries whose primary research target seems to have been the creation of an assortment of things for me to memorize. I think they got some kind of prize if they could make it really weird and have multiple points to it.

I learned three different ways to write down the electron structure of an atom today....and no one I've eagerly told about it seems to care.

The folks at the bank look at you funny if you start making Lewis Dot Diagrams on your deposit slip and trying to explain how it works.

There is no day so good or so bad that it cannot be improved by the wearing of a bright pair of handmade socks. However, people look at you funny when you suddenly take off your boots with the statement "Hey, you wanna see something kinda cool?" Some of them are quite disappointed when it turns out not to be a bunion the size of Cleveland.

If it's a "Scholarship Program", how come no Miss America has ever had a big tush and bad skin? And how, exactly, does learning to walk in a bathing suit and high heels show her preparedness for college (I mean, besides the obvious fact that it shows great self control to walk all the way across the stage and back off again before pulling the damned bathing suit out of the crack of your ass)?

They call them "civil servants" but just see how civil the police officer who pulls you over is when you ask him to serve you something or vacuum your car out.

At 41 years old, you'd think I'd have more sophisticated tastes than "I can't wait to get home and eat a tablespoon of peanut butter right out of the jar." You'd be mistaken.

I'm delighted that my biology 212 teacher is so excited about his subject...but you'd think he'd start to realize something was wrong with the heat when the entire classroom started trying to take notes while wearing mittens. You'd be mistaken there, too.

Naps are wasted on the young. They should be saved for the 41-year-olds with furry alarm clocks that are pointy on one end and perpetually set for 4:25am.

If my husband could figure out a way to take coffee intravenously instead of having to get up and pour it in a cup, I believe he would probably stay in bed about an hour longer. Don't think he isn't working on this fairly energetically.

If I had to bathe with my tongue like Ed does, I'd spend a lot of time in the rain. A LOT of time.

It is the beginning of another weekend. Spend it which I mean, knit like crazy.


  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    Ah the old heart thing,being me I fainted in Biology when asked to do this. I was never meant to anything useful I am so sqeamish .
    Lucky for me I wear rose perfume and Jeff loves it when he should love the smells of wires and wood .I wonder if Nicole Kidman would advertise a perfume called "Guitar" ? Jeff would have preferred Elizabeth Taylor or if you are old or familiar with "High Noon" then Katy Jurado .Starngely at this late time of life he has taken to wearing a very citrus based cologne .

  • At 4:27 PM, Blogger beckie said…

    I think I would have squeezed the heart really fast just to see what would have happened. Hehehe....
    Have a great weekend knitting. I have to catch on neglected cleaning :(

  • At 5:55 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Ooh, I love random posts! Dissecting - I've read (in mysteries) that cops at well-aged murder scenes swear by some Vick's rubbed under the nose. Menthol and eucaplyptus might be rather... intense... but is surely better than intense aged cow heart!

    "Dude Scented" - Well, if they made 'em scented like some clean guy who smelled really good... pheromones, y'know... Seriously, I'll bet they'd sell. Imagine: "Hey, I heard there's a new Sean Connery air freshener! I've always wanted to see if he smelled as good as he looks!" (Note: If they ever go with this idea, buy stock. I've got several obsessions I'd at least try.)

    Mr. K's comment - apparently, to entice your guy's sniffer, vanilla is one of the top ways to go. I can't remember what the other scent was, but some research thingy a few years ago said vanilla was a man's version of catnip. Now we know why they follow people who make cookies. Aside from the cookies, that is.

    Totally agree with the nap thing. In fact, I mourn all those naps I impatiently stayed awake through when I was young. I think I'm still catching up.

    And hey, I finally noticed you put me in your links list - thanks much!! (verification 'tgygo' I love this. sounds, I dunno, like a Greek disco where you can get gyros to go. or something.)(I do not love the way the new googleblogger insists I verify twice all the damned time. altho the 2nd one is 'ffbomkeg', which is even funnier. do not fret, Ms. K, it's worth it to read you and Rabbitch and others who've switched over!)

  • At 4:38 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    oooh vanilla....I just love that scent monicapdx...used to get vanilla oil from the Body Shop, when I was a lass! So yes Mrs K, the cow thing....yuckity yuck yuck, I'd have to skip school for the disection lessons, and if you took your boots off in a room full of knitters there would be oohs and ahhhs because obviously we have the finesse to appreciate handknit socks, whereas all those muggles don't get it.

  • At 7:57 AM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Bobby likes vanilla. I do too in cakes, cookies, and coffee, and cocoa. heh.
    Muggles........they really amazingly just


Post a Comment

<< Home