Random Friday

Dissecting a cow's heart is no way to finish a week, and it is both fascinating and gross. Heavy on the gross.

If your lab instructor insists (as mine does) on using fresh, unpreserved specimans, it can be helpful to choose a lab partner who wears strong fragrance of some kind. If she's shorter than you, strong scented hair gel is good enough, as long as you can sort of keep it between you and the hunk of dead animal you're being asked to carve up.

When using your lab partner's hair as an antidote to the scent of aging cow heart, it is wise to be surreptitious. People look at you funny if they suddenly catch you smelling their hair. Go figure.

The phrase "Hey, look, I found something cool" when uttered anywhere else in the lab is code for one of these things: a) "I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at and I'm hoping the instructor will come tell me" b)"I'm having as much fun as a 9-year-old boy with a booger fascination and I'm doing absolutely nothing scientific but it is rewardingly disgusting or c) "I just filled the chambers of my cow heart with water and I'm about to squeeze it to watch how the blood would flow but I have completely forgotten about the teacher's advice to 'squeeze gently' so will be getting a face full of nasty water in about 5 seconds". This last, at least, has the potential to be amusing....as long as it isn't your lab partner.

I was at the grocery store and I stopped to pick up refills for my plug-in air freshener and happened to notice one labelled "Dual Scented". Only I could have sworn that it said "Dude Scented." I wondered if it smelled like a sweaty guy (which could be okay or horrid but most likely would fall somewhere close to the horrid end of things and hence would only be useful at all if you had something that smelled even worse to deal with) or if it smelled like things guys like. I'm trying to imagine a "Beer and Pizza" air freshener. Or, in the case of my metalworking husband (he makes knives as a hobby), "Hot Metal and Sawdust".

People look at you funny if you start giggling for no apparent reason in the air freshener aisle at Safeway.

Mr. K did mention once that he wondered why women always wore perfume scented like flowers and citrus and green tea when none of those fragrances were of particular interest to men. Which led me to a mental picture of a husband coming home and hugging his wife, then stepping back to say "Wow, you look great tonight, Honey. And is that 30-weight Motor Oil you're wearing? Nice."

There have been a number of scientists over the centuries whose primary research target seems to have been the creation of an assortment of things for me to memorize. I think they got some kind of prize if they could make it really weird and have multiple points to it.

I learned three different ways to write down the electron structure of an atom today....and no one I've eagerly told about it seems to care.

The folks at the bank look at you funny if you start making Lewis Dot Diagrams on your deposit slip and trying to explain how it works.

There is no day so good or so bad that it cannot be improved by the wearing of a bright pair of handmade socks. However, people look at you funny when you suddenly take off your boots with the statement "Hey, you wanna see something kinda cool?" Some of them are quite disappointed when it turns out not to be a bunion the size of Cleveland.

If it's a "Scholarship Program", how come no Miss America has ever had a big tush and bad skin? And how, exactly, does learning to walk in a bathing suit and high heels show her preparedness for college (I mean, besides the obvious fact that it shows great self control to walk all the way across the stage and back off again before pulling the damned bathing suit out of the crack of your ass)?

They call them "civil servants" but just see how civil the police officer who pulls you over is when you ask him to serve you something or vacuum your car out.

At 41 years old, you'd think I'd have more sophisticated tastes than "I can't wait to get home and eat a tablespoon of peanut butter right out of the jar." You'd be mistaken.

I'm delighted that my biology 212 teacher is so excited about his subject...but you'd think he'd start to realize something was wrong with the heat when the entire classroom started trying to take notes while wearing mittens. You'd be mistaken there, too.

Naps are wasted on the young. They should be saved for the 41-year-olds with furry alarm clocks that are pointy on one end and perpetually set for 4:25am.

If my husband could figure out a way to take coffee intravenously instead of having to get up and pour it in a cup, I believe he would probably stay in bed about an hour longer. Don't think he isn't working on this fairly energetically.

If I had to bathe with my tongue like Ed does, I'd spend a lot of time in the rain. A LOT of time.

It is the beginning of another weekend. Spend it well..by which I mean, knit like crazy.