The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Conversations With Ed

From this title, it would be understandable if one were to draw the conclusion that the cheese has, at last, slipped all the way off Ms. Knitingale's cracker. And this is not impossible...Ms. Knitingale is forced to admit that said cheese may have been a bit precariously balanced to begin with. But no, this title refers to the things I rather imagine Ed, a highly vocal kitty, to be saying. Because I'm a little weird and I tend to anthropomorphize my critters, and because it's my blog and I can do all kinds of crazy stuff if I want to. Bwa-ha-ha-ha.....

It is early morning--like, 5:30 early. Ed has eaten breakfast and is now following me around the kitchen, apparently with something terribly important to tell me.
Me: "Ed, what do you want? You already had breakfast."
Ed: "Well, I can't help noticing that you have a half pound of deli turkey in the fridge. And, you know, I'd really like to help you out with that."
Me: "Ed, you're not getting turkey. Give it up."
Ed: "No, seriously, it would be a help to you. You're never going to eat all that."
Me: "Look, I know you love turkey and all, but no. Here, try some of these cat treats."
Ed(incredulously): "CAT treats? Are you mad, Woman? You think a cat of my quality can be seduced by little nuggets of petrified cow snot and chicken lips? Please."
Me: "Chickens don't have lips, Ed. And it says right on the box that these are yummy and nutritious."
Ed (clearly affronted): "If they're so yummy, why don't you eat them and give me the turkey? I can't BELIEVE you would treat a faithful friend in this fashion."
Me: "Look, you're not getting the turkey. I'm putting some cat treats on the floor. You can eat them or not."
Ed: "Not. And a pox upon you for even asking."
Me: "Up to you. But quit whining about it."
(brief pause here)

Ed (urgently): "Lady! LADY! Gussie just ate all my cat treats! She didn't even leave me one!"
Me: "I thought you didn't want them."
Ed: "I do! I mean...I don't, of course. But I don't want her to have them!"
Me: "Sorry, Ed. You snooze, you lose. Suck it up, Big Guy."
Ed: "You know, I can't help but notice you have a half a pound of deli turkey in the fridge...."
Me: "Damnit, Ed--you're NOT getting turkey. Now quit bugging me."
Ed: "........"
Ed: "I noticed you have some ham in the fridge....."
Ed: "Hey, do that again! It makes that little thing in the back of your throat dance! Humans are just SO interesting!"
And so it goes. And then he has the nerve to look like this:

"Turkey? What turkey? No, of course I don't want any. That would be wrong of me. I'm perfectly happy with the cow snot I get given." (Please note the not-inconsiderable dent in the couch cushion which is precisely the shape of Ed's also not-inconsiderable ass.)
Hey, I finished the first crayon sock:
Complete with red heel:

I even cast on for the second one and finished the ribbing last night while watching CSI (because, again, my life is such a fabulous whirl). I so want to be Katherine Willows. She's tough, she's smart, she knows how to pole dance (okay, so I don't really want to pole dance...and the folks at the strip clubs really don't want me to, either....but I'd love to be able to say that I could and be all casual and hot about it like she is), and she has a killer body.
And I'll bet her cat doesn't give her all that crap, either.


  • At 12:01 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    I'm thinking maybe we ought to let Ed and Smooch send each other tapes, or better yet, let them talk on the phone together....mouthy kitties.

    I love that sock, bright magpie colours,and especially the red heel and toe.....


  • At 2:19 PM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    I have an orange kitty that gives me lip all the time. At the moment, I also have a toy plane named "Plane" and a toy dump truck named "Jack" talking to me (though they are getting help from the four-year-old)...

  • At 4:09 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Hey, I used to carry on long conversations with my Siamese, Lu Ahng (Miau Khat). I'd pause, she'd answer, and we'd go back and forth and were quite comfortably crazy together. After all, Ed probably speaks English Feline, not Siamese, so why not? I'm sure that's exactly what he was saying about the turkey! LOL. And note how his Buddha-like serenity in that pic is completely a fake? There's that one paw stretched out, ready to grab, just in case any deli turkey escapes the fridge and goes waltzing by...

    Love those socks. Amazing how they calmed down and started behaving! I think the idea of red accents was brilliant, too. The look alone will keep you warm. Niiiice!

  • At 11:05 PM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    Oh boy Ed you do not a dent in the couch ,not that I can talk .You are probably right about cat treats . My cat said three things to me "erro" ,"Knack" and rack" .We were sure the first was his copy of the human greeting "Hello" and the other two were variations on "GET that fridge open and FEED ME NOW " . I love you socks ,they do look like crayola even more knitted up.

  • At 6:32 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Gorgeous Ed, at least he knows exactly what he wants! And I absolutely love the crayon sock, so bright and cheery!

  • At 1:01 PM, Blogger Charity said…

    Ed has me in stitches, and I love the sock! Wouldn't we all love to say we knew how to pole dance? :0)


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