The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Hollywood is Perhaps Not Calling

If someone was making a reality show about my life right now, they would be asleep. Then they would be fired. The most exciting thing I've done so far today is take a photo of a pair of dairy boots. Which, I admit, is at least slightly interesting in the "Good Lord, what is my crazy neighbor doing NOW?" category but really--didn't the multiple cats and assload of yarn already establish that for those really in the know? (Seriously, I think I could provide a warm pullover for New Jersey if I was really dedicated....and if they didn't mind an assortment of shades and textures. And cat spit.) But someone did ask what dairy boots are and, while I could probably explain it just as well by saying "they're rubber boots, also called wellies, and they're used by dairy farmers so as not to come home completely coated in....well, the stuff that comes out of cows that isn't milk.", I thought it more fun to actually take photos in the garage so any neighbors glancing that way would have more to talk about. Who says I'm not a considerate neighbor?

These are, in fact, the Valentine Dairy Boots, famed in song and verse. I still love them. To answer anonymous, Mr. K did not give me dairy boots again this year (these suckers last forever, as long as you don't try to fend off an alligator attack with them...and even then, they might be okay). Instead, he provided more material for the abovementioned New Jersey project, which I think is perfectly wonderful of him:

It's Atacama Alpaca from Little Knits and it is shades of purple (what looks like fuschia in the photo is really a rich violet), 100% alpaca, hand dyed (as opposed to foot dyed, I suspect) and imported from Chile. I adore it and will commence to thinking about possible projects for it once I've stopped rolling around in it. This may be awhile.

I also spent some time this morning prowling patiently....something like that anyway--for the computer which Mr. K apparently thinks he has a right to because it belongs to him and he has important stuff like jobhunting to do on it. Go figure. Some of you may recall that his company was sold last year and, since the purchasing company shut it down, he is now officially "preemployed". There are those who suggested that it might be a bit of an adjustment having both of us suddenly home together a lot. No, no. Remember that guy who said that you learn everything you need to know in kindergarten? Really, if you remember the rules you learned even earlier, as a toddler, you'll be just fine. For instance:

1. I had it first.
2. I didn't have it first, but I wanted it first.
3. You walked away, so I can have it.
4. You've had it all da-ay! (stretch out the word "day" by whining, and it will make sense. Those of you with toddlers, you know.)
5. You're a big poopyhead.

As adults, we can also add in layers of deviousness that mere children cannot hope to achieve, such as:

1. Honey, come downstairs if you want fresh cookies! Oh, look. You walked away from the computer. Guess I can have it.
2. This little black lacey thing? Oh, just something I threw on. Why don't you go wait for me and I'll be right in......
3. I think there might be a raccoon in your should go check.
4. I just heard on the radio that they're giving away free gift cards to the next 100 people to walk into Home Depot--what are you waiting for??
5. Is it bad if black smoke is pouring out from under the car....?
6. Did you want me to let you know if a tree falls on your truck?
7. Hey, look! A special on TV entitled "The History of Naked Breasts".
8. Huh. Looks like someone just left all those shiney new tools just laying there out in the street.
9. You were right. Cleaning in the nude really IS more fun.
10. Don't worry...I'm pretty sure the strange smell downstairs isn't gas. Do you feel dizzy at all?
11. You're a big poopyhead. (It's hard to argue with the classics.)

At present, Mr. K is out running a few errands. I'm trying to caluculate how long before he is likely to realize that I'm giving him a 150 item shopping list one item at a day in order to get computer time.


  • At 1:39 PM, Blogger Robin said…

    ROFLMAO...from now on I've got to start wearing Depends when I read your posts!
    I don't have your email to respond to your latest comment on my blog...but you don't understand~~I AM Kitty Mommy! I've raised him since he was about 3 days old...he's an orphan you see...and I'm the ONLY Mommy he knows! No reason to be sorry or blame the meds!

  • At 1:53 PM, Blogger beckie said…

    You really can't fight with "You're a big poopyhead"- truly a classic.

    Hope the job search turns outs good!

  • At 3:28 PM, Blogger Dianne said…

    Ms.K, It appears you're feeling some better..not that your sense of humor has waned during your illness..but this one is a 'giggler'...MOTH and I both retired a bit young..and the adjustment was minimal because we 'like' each other..but it was still a bit awkward having to share 'the computer' at times...after is MINE!! LOL
    Some beautiful yarn MR.K gifted you..Happy Knitting~~

  • At 3:38 PM, Blogger Peg said…

    I love my Wellies too!

    I am going to give my Elsebeth Lavold Silky Wool another go, once I frog the entire sweater - probably won't happen soon.
    Good luck to your DH on the job search.

  • At 10:44 PM, Anonymous Gayle said…

    Hahahaha.... The computer at our house is my husband's - I can so relate to trying to come up with creative ways to pry him off it. I'd try "you're a big poopyhead," but I'm afraid the 3 year old would adopt it as her own mantra.

  • At 11:23 PM, Blogger Holly Bernice Cox said…

    Oh ho same problem here except Mr C. doesn't often bother so it's a fight between me and Hols. I'd have to shout "Gosh an un-scheduled Martin Sheen film is on or a man who can afford period Saint Laurent just knocked to ask you out . You do not want to see Hols with steam blowing out of her ears ! I can't take all the signing her out and me in that we have to do so I probably comment as her or her nutty alter-ego Mrs Nito .angie

  • At 3:44 AM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    ROFL - Mike and I did the same thing re the computer. If all else fails, there's sleeping in shifts. [vbg] (Which actually works, and you even still get to see each other if you work out the times right. Why are you all looking at me like that??)

    And you had to show a pic of the Atacama, didn't you? I've been going to the Little Knits site every month, staring wistfully at the Atacama, and firmly telling myself, "No, you will not buy two bags. No. You can't afford it. No." I've managed to be good so far, but you're not helping! ;)

    (And I note I managed to make 2 comments yesterday. What, I'm sleep-commenting now? LOL)

  • At 6:07 AM, Blogger Marianne said…

    All were good strategies...but yes, I have to agree, poophead wins out every.single.time.
    I am so lucky, Bobby is such a pooter-head (oh, come on, you're not in the 3rd grade anymore,...are you?) that I have mine (although of course he has some of his stuff on it too) and he has 2 in 'his very own room' and....a know how some people take the morning paper in with them to do...their, ah, business? he takes the laptop.....yeah, say it with me.....'jeezelouise'......

  • At 6:33 AM, Blogger Kathy said…

    New to your blog. You are funny! You'll need that as a nurse. I've been a nurse for 22 years. Still practicing. The bedside is my place in nursing. Neonatal.

    I'm mentioning your funny blog on mine.

  • At 11:27 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    I've got my eyes on a pair of croc wellies...the heights of fashion in Hastings my dear! Nice to see the dairy boots,poopyhead will always be a showstopper in our house.

  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Hmmmmm, I wonder if the Atacama is Mr. K's version of the second list???

  • At 12:02 PM, Anonymous Holly B.Cox said…

    This is Holly using my own name and site. I think my father might enjoy that t.v special. As for Mother I've duped her of the net with a mug of cocoa. Ahh Hah hah my feindish cunning!


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