The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Sunday, February 04, 2007

If You Don't Watch CSI, You Won't Think This is One Bit Funny

I was in the shower when it dawned on me: I may be watching too much CSI.

Mr. K is out for the morning, having driven to Tacoma to pick up his secondhand milling machine, so I am alone in the house. I exercised, did my usual stuff, got in the shower. And realized, about halfway through the shower, that I had heard something. I froze in my tracks and listened hard. With the shower going and the exhaust fan going, it was hard to tell....but I was sure I heard a voice. It was far too soon for Mr. K to be back. What to do? I was absolutely certain that nothing in the shower would make a terribly effective weapon of self-defense--unless the intruder had oily hair in which case my moisturizing shampoo could definitely add to his problem. Even my razor is a cheap plastic safety razor that resists cutting absolutely everything except the skin on my shins. Plus, I was naked. It's hard to really defend yourself in any sort of serious way without clothes. I felt my heart race.....I felt that nasty, pit-of-your-stomach fear thing....and then I remembered: I had turned on the radio before I got in the that the house wouldn't be so quiet and....well...scary. Uh-huh. Waaaaaay too much CSI. Do you suffer this affliction? Consider these signs:

When the cat brings an expired rodent or other gift into the garage, do you look for chalk in order to draw an outline around the DB? (if you don't know what DB is, you definitely don't watch ENOUGH CSI)

Do you then attempt to keep the cats away so as not to further contaminate the scene?

Do you then check your cats paws for GSR? (Gunshot residue...I'll give you that one)

When telling your husband about the DB, do you tell him that "Fluffy looks good for this one"?

Do you refuse to lick envelopes because you don't want anyone to have access to your DNA?

If your husband mentions that you forgot to wash his jeans, do you look intently at him and tell him defiantly that "you can't pin this one on me!"?

When responding to questions about whether or not you remembered to put gas in the car, have you ever demanded a lawyer? (Extra points here if you think of this as having "lawyered up".)

When cleaning up hair in the bathroom, do you tweeze up each hair and put it in its own little envelope?

Do you ever think of your sister as "the woman with whom I have 7 alleles in common"?

When your husband asks you what's for dinner, do you sometimes reply that he doesn't have the security clearance to receive that information? Or that you won't know until the DNA results are back?

When cleaning up cat barf on the rug, do you ever--however briefly--think to yourself that you'd better "bag the stomach contents"?

If you find that the cat has been messing around with your knitting, do you ever block off the room so that no one can "disturb the scene"?

Have you ever referred to your husband's friends as his "known associates"?

Have you ever tried to send off a scraping from a ketchup stain off for analysis because "you never know"?

Yeah, it's a sickness. But it's such great background TV for knitting!

In case you actually DON'T watch CSI (and really, why wouldn't you?) and would like something else to look at today, I offer a couple of pictures of Gracie, trying hard to figure out the Elliptical:

"Hmmm....the humans spend hours on this it MUST be cool...."

"Okay, NOW I get it. It's a moveable bed!"


  • At 3:00 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    ROFLMAOWTIME!! Oh god, this was great! DNA... envelopes... known associates... Ohh, dear. I'm glad, though, you didn't jump and slip or anything!

    Pix of Gracie - awwwwwwwwww! (going googly again, watch for the saccharine factor.) So. Darned. Pretty! Love it - 'moveable bed'. LOLOLOL.

    (More via email, 'cause it got too damned long, even for me. [g])

  • At 12:55 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Well I don't watch CSI, but iy doesn't make your post any less funny, its still hilarious, we love you Flo!

  • At 5:57 AM, Blogger Robin said…

    OH THAT'S TOO FUNNY!! I'm if I misspell something it's because I can't see what I'm writing!

  • At 10:43 AM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Ooooooh. Gracie is such a sweetie! CSI!!

  • At 12:28 PM, Blogger Charity said…

    Too funny! What about carrying a small flashlight in my shirt pocket? :0)

  • At 10:29 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    I don't watch it either ( being sqeamish) but I get the drift and that was so funny !! I guess I am more likely to look for bodies in 1980s clothes when I visit Oxford.


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