The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Thursday, February 01, 2007

If All Else Fails, Get the Cat Stoned

I read a study once about delayed gratification. They took small children and gave them each a marshmallow. Then the experimenter left the room and told the children that if the marshmallow was still there when they came back, there would be another marshmallow in it for them. The point was to see what effect the ability to delay gratification would have on future success (it has a lot, actually--more than IQ or background or educational level). They didn't ask me to do the experiment...but I rather fear that if they had, I would have had the marshmallow nearly swallowed by the time the phrase "if it's still there" was even out of the guys mouth. I might have slowed down if the chance to roast the thing was in the offing...but maybe not even then. In other words, I am not superb at waiting for those things that I want. For instance:

I eat cookie dough until I am too full for cookies.

I drink coffee while it's still too hot and end up lisping around my burned tongue for the rest of the day.

I do the same thing with hot cookies, assuming I am not still full from the dough. And sometimes even if I am.

I noticed a mistake on the second Mt. Creek sock and have already, with only minimal denial, managed to convince myself that no one will ever notice because the alternative is to frog it back and thus delay knitting with my brand NEW sock yarn.

About 10 rows into the new sock yarn, I will want to hurry up and get finished, so that I can start on other new sock yarn. It's a sickness.

And on days like today I become quite impatient with the whole process of trying to become a nurse because I could actually be doing something useful today instead of pacing the house, burning my tongue, and lying to myself in a lisp about my sock. (And watching daytime television where everyone seems to have way more exciting lives than mine, even the ones on reality shows...which makes me wonder if their reality or my reality is the really real reality...which gives me a headache.) See, I only have three classes left before I can apply, and I'm taking one online and two in person on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, which pretty much means I spend Tuesday and Thursday trying not to eat the marshmallows. Or cookie dough. Or something.

But you know, even on a lengthy, impatient day such as this, you can always get the cat stoned.

"Catnip? Where? I hadn't even noticed. I'm way above that kind of thing."

"Oh, you mean THIS catnip. Well, I can take a look...but I really don't care."

"Okay, maybe a closer look. Just, you know, for research. How do you get this thing open, anyway? Damn, why don't I have thumbs?"

"Here, why don't you put some down right Right where I'm pointing. You know, just a bit. Right here."

"Mmmm...saucy bouquet....notes of mint....barrell aged...piquant yet bold....mmmmm....good nip."

"Oh, Dude. I am so there any of that cookie dough left?"

If you are old enough to remember Barney Miller, you may recall the episode where the cops accidentally ate "special brownies", and Sgt. Nick Yamata suggested somewhat blearily that perhaps they'd like to "go down to the beach and shoot some clams". I don't know why that cracks me up, but it does. And it pretty much sums up the state of my big drunk cat right now. I know. I'm a terrible enabler.


  • At 4:48 PM, Blogger beckie said…

    I always eat too much cookie dough yet I must eat just one cookie. After all, I did just do all that hard work making those cookies, I reap my rewards!

  • At 5:09 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    (You've probably seen it already, but just in case, you have mail. [g])

    ROFL, I think you've got a good chance at nomination for 'Best Blog Post Title of the Year' here. I was cracking up before I even got to the actual post! I'm lousy at delayed gratification, too. As in I hardly ever manage to save up for stuff, 'cause I see something else (much cheaper) and go, "Oooh, pretty... Must. Get. Now!" Phweet; there go the savings, if any. And my parents tried so hard, too! The vision of a sock lisping is just-- Well, just totally, y'know?

    And Ed. Ed, Ed, Ed. He's having so much fun. I'm seeing a mental movie of a big, writhing, purring squirmelating cat, here, and laughing even more. I also note the really cool spiral design he has on his left side - aha, he was likely a Celt in one of his other lives!

    Ok, now I have this curious urge to make oatmeal cookies, even though I used the breadmaker again and have a lovely loaf of fresh bread, and boysenberry jam. Yet I yearn for oatmeal cookie dough. Evilness again. I have to buy some oatmeal this month!

  • At 5:56 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Oh, sweetjeezelouise, Barney Miller and the special brownies episode, yes! OK, I liked and watched Barney Miller.
    When do you think Ed will start jonesing? heh. hey dude, pssst. come'ere.....gotcha a little something dude.....

  • At 6:59 PM, Blogger Robin said…

    Kitty Pot...that's what Mr Ace thinks of it too--no Kitty Crack here! He likes to eat it and get! He too wishes he had thumbs...then I'd have to hide the *Kitty Pot* better!

  • At 4:13 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Must find the picture of the cat with thumbs to show Ed, its on Keiths laptop, he was so proud of this photo he took while he was out on holiday in the Florida Keys but I've always been a bit skeptical!

  • At 7:03 AM, Blogger Robin said…

    Sorry...I don't have your email to respond to the comment you left...but the *cowcat* (we tease him about that all the time) even has saggy ole utters! He's 15 years old and like his Momma everything is begging to go south!
    Thanks for commenting!

  • At 9:39 AM, Blogger Charity said…

    I am so glad to know you, Ms. K! I'm the least patient person I've known, but it sounds like we're a good match. :0) Hang in there, you know it will be worth it in the end! (Don't you hate it when people say stuff like that when they're not the ones waiting?)


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