The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Sunday, September 09, 2007

As Promised.....


Lynn's fabulous L-O-V-E square, now correctly oriented (not that I would ever judge the orientation of another.....)



and six lovely squares from Renny in Virginia where I believe they must make the women extra special, seeing as how Dianne hails from those parts as well.

I have been edging squares, naturally (although I'm not sure how I'd edge them unnaturally....unless I was standing on my head in a rocking chair using a wire whisk instead of a crochet hook...that'd be pretty unnatural), but also preparing for the Harlot's visit to Seattle this Friday at 6:30. This involves the following:

1. Decide what kind of brownies to make--I brought her brownies last time, and she autographed her most recent book to me as "the brownie queen"...so I really have to live up to that title.
2. Consider and reject several possibilities before settling on the truffle brownies I invented a few years ago.
3. Wonder briefly if Steph could get approval from a cardiologist to eat them, seeing as how just looking at them is enough to slam shut the arteries of some. Remember that she's a vegetarian, and figure she's probably earned some extra chocolate points in amongst all those veggies.
4. Mix up brownie batter.
5. Spill little driblets of the stuff on every possible surface.
6. Forget that dishwasher is running until suddenly realize that have steamed up entire abdomen by leaning over the dishwasher to stir.
7. Wonder briefly if it would work to steam the wrinkles I'm getting by my eyes; decide that even spectacular results aren't worth sticking face in dishwasher. Probably.
8. Spread batter in pan; obsess briefly about getting it perfectly even before remembering that she won't see the whole batch--and if she did, she probably wouldn't throw things at me if they weren't perfectly even, anyway. Smooth them out one more time.
9. Toss brownies in oven, sit down to edge squares and watch football.
10. Watch Seahawks play....well, BADLY. Whimper.
11. Become mesmerized by lousy playing until suddenly remember brownies.
12. Leap from couch in a maniacal fashion, causing husband, cat, and knitting acoutrements to scatter like stoned partygoers when the cops show up.
13. Run to kitchen and yank brownies from the oven (WITH oven mitt--I'm crazed, but I ain't that crazed) while murmering little brownie charms so as to stave off the burn fairy.
14. Decide that they're all right; return to living room.
15. Pick up knitting, dodge angry cat, smile happily at perplexed husband who, by now, should be fully aware that I frequently act as if I am one step away from a room with soft walls and no longer look surprised about it. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do, anyway.
16. Realize that distress over team has caused me to edge an entire square with the thing face down.
17. Swear
18. De-edge square, while considering that people have been sued for far less. "But, your honor--if they'd played like they had the faintest inkling what a football is or what they're supposed to do with it, my priceless blanket wouldn't have gotten screwed up!" Only in America.
19. Watch team inexplicably, and against all odds, pull ahead.
20. Set knitting aside again, go into kitchen and heat butter and cream for truffle layer of brownies. Think about including the name and number of a good cardiologist with these, just in case.
21. Spread truffle on brownies, lick spoon.
22. Lick pan
23. Lick spoon some more.
24. Notice chocolate hardening in hair.
25. Swear again.
26. Pick little chocolate flecks out of hair.
27. Move knitting out to husbands shop at his request so that we can watch the game together.
28. Cheer on beleaguered team, who are back in my good graces in spite of the fact that they look as bewildered to be winning as I am to have them winning.
29. Go back inside, melt down white chocolate to spread over truffle layer.
30. Spread chocolate, remember what happened with the truffle layer, and carefully tuck hair behind ears.
31. Lick spoon.
32. Notice drizzle of white chocolate down front of favorite coral lace-up tee shirt.
33. Give up on swearing--it only seems to be egging the fates on.
34. Cut brownes into squares. Without incident.
35. Worry--what could the brownie gods be waiting to spring on me?
36. Run to make sure that the sugar wasn't really salt.
37. Run to make sure flour wasn't really cornstarch or gravy mix or some other nasty thing.
38. Run to make sure white chocolate wasn't really Ivory soap.
39. Decide that all is well...and wonder when I'm going to realize that I've somehow a)crocheted all the edges backwards, b)crocheted two squares together with one upside down, and/or c)failed to notice the large family of moths building a village in the midst of all the wooly wonderfulness. (No, they didn't...but I figured SOMETHING must have gone wrong.)
40. Put brownies in freezer. Next step: figure out how to talk to Stephanie without foot in mouth....or, more accurately, WITH foot in mouth since that is surely where it will be if last time is any indication.

At least I'm prepared to leave her with the memory of chocolate. Maybe that will help override the dorkiness?

9 Comments:

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger ccr in MA said…

    Oh, do those brownies sound good!

    I have a square question for you. Seeing as my "this is supposed to be a ten inch square" is in fact a nine inch square, do I factor in the edging (which hasn't been done yet, since I was going to be leaving that in your capable hands), or shall I make a slightly larger one?

    Basically, is the 10 inches supposed to include the edging, or not? (Am I making this simple project more complicated than it's supposed to be? Because that IS one of my talents.)

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    A. Would you like a purple strait-jacket? For some reason people seem to think mine all have to be purple. I've got extras. Honestly. And the room I have permanently reserved at the local Home for the Definitely Bewildered is upholstered a pretty lilac.
    B. ::gentle tone:: Hon, um...instead of all that running...why didn't you just... ::tries really hard to phrase this delicately, gives up:: Try eating a brownie? Or at least a nibble. [eg]
    C. Stephanie won't care if you're a dork. In fact, remember, all us knitters are dorks--to the muggles. Therefore, if you are a knitter, and Stephanie is a knitter, you are both dorks, and it's a dork rule that dorks don't notice other dork's dorkiness. Right? Right. God, for some reason my head has gone all swimmy now...
    D. Square pix are wonderful! Hurray for everyone!
    E. And remember: Chocolate overcomes everything. (Although I dunno if the guy outside who just screamed a couple of obscenities would agree. Ahh, apartment living...)

     
  • At 6:31 PM, Blogger Ms. Knitingale said…

    ccr, I will love whatever square you send. It's actually pretty difficult, I think, to get squares precisely 10 inches, so when I edge them, I just add whatever it takes to get them to match the biggest ones. If that makes sense. The biggest are about 10 1/2 including edging, but don't worry--if I have to add a couple of rows to yours, it won't hurt my feelings a bit!

     
  • At 9:28 PM, Blogger ~Tonia~ said…

    Ummmm those sound so good. I am drooling.

    Multi-tasking can be a bitch some times, especially when I forget one of the things that is going on. LOL

     
  • At 11:49 AM, Blogger Kate said…

    The brownies are making me drool, and I'm sure Ms. Harlot will love them.
    Squares are finally in the mail today, first thing this morning. Now we will see how long it takes cross-border :)

     
  • At 2:24 PM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Mmmmmm...the brownies sound decadent! How can the Harlot not love them?

    The LOVE mega-square is very cool!

     
  • At 7:32 PM, Blogger Faren said…

    I had forgotten that she was going to Seattle (actually I saw she was coming to Wichita, and nothing else mattered after that)to see you two days before she comes here. Make sure you leave her in good shape for us! I really can't wait. I made her a Kansas square for her collection, hopefully she won't end up with 20 of the darn things.

     
  • At 7:06 AM, Anonymous marti said…

    okay, now that i have been properly oriented myself, i see that it is truly a mega square of love. i so want to join you to see the harlot. i am going to pull all favors out and see if i can wrangle it.

     
  • At 9:27 AM, Anonymous Frequent Frogger said…

    Thanks for letting me know in such a nice way that the squares I knit got there. It didn't take the post office as long as I anticipated. I think Christmas would be a perfect time to remind the miners' families that people do care.

    I gained 10 lbs just reading about those brownies! Yum.

    Again thanks for letting us participate in your wonderful idea.

     

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