The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Sunday, May 20, 2007

True Confessions of a Craft Compulsive

I decided that it might be time to tackle Mount Fabric. Even though I have enough scrubs to outfit an army of brightly colored nurses (think of my "magpie on crack" yarn buying just transpose that onto a set of scrubs and from there into a medical office.....yeah. That bright colored blur you see just before your retinas sizzle away is me. At my last job, I considered the day a success if Dr. S looked me up and down, stared me in the eyes for a second, and then slowly and wordlessly shook his head while walking away. A girl has to have something to shoot for.), I am forced by the sheer volume of collected fabric to create still more. I think we can all agree that my unfortunate tendency to collect the tools and supplies of whatever craft has currently caught my glittering, fevered eye would seem to suggest that I would be better off hobbyless, or at least with one that doesn't encourage this sort of behavior.

The problem, of course, is that pretty much any hobby I can think of that would interest me either produces something, or requires something, or both. Okay, there's barehanded fighting...but I don't think that's really me. (I mean, notwithstanding the time that woman thought SHE should have the last skein of Mountain Colors Bearfoot yarn. Besides that time.)

What to do? Gardening? No--besides the fact that I am human plant death and all things green in a 40 mile radius know to fear me, there is the fact that I could quite easily collect plants. Seriously. I don't know just how many plants would fit in our 2 acres...but I'll bet I could find out with surprising (and alarming) speed.

Baking? Been there. At least you can't really collect ingredients, but ask me about my cookbook collection. Or worse--the size of my ass after a year of this hobby. I think...not so much.

Painting? This is wrong on many levels. For one thing, I cannot draw or paint a recognizable item to save my life. If all flowers looked like a stick with a bunch of loopy things on top, I still couldn't draw one. And, while the idea of new, avant garde methods of creating art does have its appeal (water balloons full of paint hurled at a canvas via slingshot, maybe...), let's not pretend I wouldn't collect colors and shades of paint, as well as brushes and, no doubt, slingshots. Same thing for dying yarn (without the slingshot).

Spinning. Now I have given this one some thought. Sure, I'd collect fiber to spin, and certainly I'd end up with an abundance of both it and the finished yarn. But I believe it would take me awhile to spin fiber into yarn and perhaps I could at least sloooow the accumulation down. (I know that many of you know better...allow me my brief moment of hope.)
Birdwatching would work okay...if I liked watching birds, and if it didn't seem especially cruel to lure them to my house with all the hairy serial killers.
Underwater basketweaving? Nah. I don't really need to start collecting baskets...especially soggy ones. I mean, what could you put IN them?

Now I do like to write...and I'm forced to admit that I need only a computer, or even a notebook and a few good pens with which to do it. Problem is...then what would I write about? If I can't write about my crazed excesses....what is there?
You see my dilemna, and why I am forced to spend much of today dismembering the Cloth Everest. I gotta admit, though...that doesn't sound like a totally BAD thing. Hours of toys and pretty colors--I'm a simple creature, clearly.

Now, for those of you who are wondering whether I have rhubarb wounds today, I do not. Mr. K kindly saved me from that sticky fate by not putting the new blades on the lawn mower until late last night, the result of which is:

I started a friend for it, too. I wish the pattern could be continued onto the foot, but an adventure involving an hour or two of time, half a ball of yarn, and some very colorful language have proven that the sock must twist for the design to be true. Since my foot does was a problem. Today it is raining, so the mowing must once more be delayed. (No, I did not pay someone for the rain...but I would have if I'd known where to send the check.)

Lastly, I offer some kitty cheesecake (and beefcake) for Monica and Marianne and anyone else who adores the fur people like I do. Firstly, Ed, who is clearly much smarter than the average cat:

Miss was in her usual spot:

While Grace....well, let's just say Miss Gracie is not in a posing mood this day:

Definitely a "talk to the butt" sort of moment.


  • At 2:04 PM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    Considering the choices Flo. we are both better off with knitting and sewing. I love flowers but I am the kiss of death. My cat just lay on the paper when you tried to read it ...please keep us all informed on the fur people .I love the guys even though they are convinced they are far superior to us !

  • At 2:15 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Hmmmm, too bad about that painting gig...artist brushes can be quite the things of beauty and form...not to mention the functions can be astounding.....yeah, I had to give it up....

    I am SO loving the photo of Ed, (O' you handsome dude), jeezelouise, Miss looks eeeeevil, and Gracie...I thought she was just trying to flash her 'B-button', just kidding...seriously, talk to the butt.

  • At 3:37 PM, Blogger Peg-woolinmysoup said…

    Cloth Mountain - good one! I used to sew and quilt, but one day gave most of that away - have not missed it for one second!
    Knitting - well a gal needs some sort of vice and at 67, they can be thin on the trees - vices that is!
    Love the cat reading the paper - at first I thought the cat was reading your knitting pattern and offering advice.
    I have stayed away from spinning and weaving! I still have all my rug hooking supplies in the crawl space - how would one get a loom into a five foot crawl space?

  • At 5:05 PM, Blogger Kim said…

    I sure do like that kitty cheescake! My, your Ed is a handsome boy!

  • At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Kathie said…

    It is sooo nice when I read of other craft compulsives like me.

  • At 7:04 PM, Blogger ccr in MA said…

    Ed looks amazingly like he's taking in what he's reading, that's the scary part. And Grace? Let me guess, was she doing something adorable until one second before the camera came out?

    My old cat, Honey, used to watch the hockey games on tv with me. I swear, she watched the hockey, then turned her head away when the commercials came on, totally uninterested. Commercial over, hockey back, she watched again. She had taste, that one.

  • At 7:50 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Dang, while the folks at my clinic are all awfully nice...I sure wouldn't mind seeing some dazzling scrubs. Sure you and Mr. K couldn't be enticed to moving to Portland? (Psssst... No sales tax, lady! Cheap car registrations! Although I suppose that's offset by property and income tax. [g]) And that's a darned nice sock, even if you can't make your foot twist for the friend. It's always those little things, innit?

    I'd suggest you try beads for a hobby, as they're suitably appealing to magpie tendencies (as I can attest), but A) although the storage space required is comparatively small--really, they're worse than yarn. Especially since you cannot possibly wear everything you end up making, unless you want to look like a peasant wearing her entire dowry into the fields. And B) Itty bitty rolling things that could be eaten by furpeople? Eek.

    Speaking of furpeople - ahhhhh, bliss! Ed, I've missed you, and I'm even more enamored; a handsome tom who reads! ::swoon:: Miss - looking very judicial, there. I think she should immediately get her own TV justice show; I'd actually watch that. As for Gracie, well, she's obviously channeling Greta Garbo. In a rather, er, direct way. ;) Thanks much, Ms. K!

  • At 10:23 AM, Blogger Dana said… about photography? That could be a fun and adventurous new obsession. Speaking of photos, I'd really love to see some of your sizzling scrubs! If you have a chance, please consider photographing "Cloth Everest" and some of your more wild creations. Pulllleeasse.

  • At 12:11 PM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Smooches to all the sweet kitties...tell Miss I feel the same way about having my picture taken! Love the sock, too!

  • At 2:36 PM, Blogger Jo said…

    I find beads really cramp my fingers up, I have a small stash of beads just incase I get to incorporate them into some project,I have a little hoard of art supplies, fabric, 2 sewing machines, (incase one breaks down) 2 spinning wheels and a spindle, stash of fibre, and yarn, plus all the fibre I'm obsessively spinning and don't have time to knit, arrrgh! But I do draw the line at weaving......I will resist!

  • At 6:45 AM, Blogger Karen said…

    Three HUGE tubs of fabric, a tiny bead collection (DD's is bigger), a three drawer cart of sock yarn, one bin of cotton yarn, one bin and one bag of wool (mostly worsted wt.) yarn, three boxes of DMC floss (I cross stitch and smock too), and many shelves of craft magazines/books and cookbooks. It sounds like we're all in good company.


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