The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Rainy Days and Fashion Blunders

I had written a terribly clever post for you, I really had. In fact, I feel quite certain that it was the wittiest thing ever to not appear on a blog...not, because Mr. K and I share a network with our two computers and he was working upstairs and I was working downstairs and he severed the internet connection and I didn't realize it until I had been typing for an hour and tried to publish the post and it disappeared and can't be recovered and now I'm going to make Mr. K sleep in this puddle:


Okay, so not really. He's kind of cute and handy with salamanders and I'm really quite fond of him. Besides, I should have seen it coming. In addition to the torrential downpour that has turned the entire area into a wetland and imbued my hair with so much frizz that I can pick up radio Singapore with my giant head, I also went out in this pair of footwear:


and naturally, I didn't notice the situation until we were too far from home to go change and still had several stops to make. Of course. KnottyKitty recently asked me how many pairs of boots I have. The answer is two. And they both look just like this one.

This leads me to the conclusion that the many of you kind souls who suggested that a bit of a break after the recent traumatic school quarter might well be right. And, after a fashion (yeah, like I know a lot about fashion), I am doing that. I'll be returning to school next week for the Spring quarter, but I'll only be taking one class (microbiology, to better examine my failing brain cells as they fall from my head). For four weeks, I'll be commuting to Everett to take a CNA class (you remember--the school next to the sex shop, thus allowing me to induce a heart attack in a man AND learn to revive him, all without even moving my car. I love one stop shopping.)

Mr. K has suggested that the lengthy wait for the results of the nursing school applications (they'll know "perhaps in late June", according to the counseling office) might go more easily for me if I fill my time with constructive activity, such as:

1. Sand and finish French doors

2. Sand and finish new back door, and help Mr. K hang it.

3. Pick up fallen branches in our yard (all 2 acres of it)

4. Trim bushes in front and back

Being the gracious wife that I am, I accepted his list and made only a couple of very tiny changes. It is important, after all, that a couple work as a team.

1. Place door on floor with catnip on it, glue sandpaper on cat's feet.

2. Offer branches in back yard free to moles for future construction projects (I believe they're building a mall) if they agree to move it themselves.

3. Knit

See, much the same. Truth is, I am not the sort of person anyone would ever call handy, other than when pointing out that I live here so it's handy to get me--you don't have to go far. I don't have a clue what I'm doing...but I'm handy. In fact, I have come up with many ideas for home help books but, strangely, they've all been rejected. For instance:

"Like Dust Ever Killed Anyone--A Guide to Prioritizing Your Days"

"Those Screwdrivers With the Little Crosses in the Ends are Not Religious Artifacts, and Other Little Known Home Repair Facts"

"Low Wattage Light Bulbs Are Cheaper than Cleaning Products"

"If it Smells Clean, it IS Clean--Making Mr. Clean Your Only Air Freshener"

"It Will Need to Be Repainted Yet Again in 10 Years--Work Smarter and Do it Then"

"The Only Difference Between Not Mowing and 'A Charming Wild Garden' is How You Spin It"

"A Spotless Home Only Encourages Long-Term Houseguests"

"A Crawling Baby With an Absorbent Sleeper is More Time Effective Than a Mop"

"If I Start Making Little Ribbon-Tied Baskets of Hand Towels for the Guest Bathroom, Just Shoot Me."

"You Could Eat Off My Floor--My Cats Do It All the Time"

"Do You Remember the Number for 911? The Clumsy Woman's Guide to Power Tools"

"Turning Up the Radio, and Other Solutions for Funny Noises"

"Your Clothes Dryer--A Cylindrical Closet in the Making"

"How Cat Nose Prints on a Window Can be a Charming Collage"

Yeah, Martha's quaking in her highly polished boots. I can tell. Bet she didn't get a 4.0 gpa last quarter, though.

9 Comments:

  • At 5:14 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    ::snorfle:: Ok, that picture makes me feel *much* better about the two different brown shoes bit. As to time off, I'm all for that! Although after you mentioned the CNA class, I couldn't help but have this vision of them also teaching you guys to poledance or such, thus providing you with live students to revive, after inviting customers from the sex shop over. (Am I sick, or what?)

    And frankly, I'd buy several of your books. Especially "Like Dust Ever Killed Anyone" and "A Spotless Home Only Encourages Long-Term Houseguests". I've always heartily agreed with that ancient Roman who said, "Fish and company stink in three days." (Drat, now I've gotta go track down who that was again...)

    I dunno what publishers are thinking of these days. Where are all the rebellious ones, huh?

     
  • At 1:40 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    If you saw the state of my monitor screen you'd know I'm with you all the way ! In fact I only do housework when I have to .Jeff was a tad horrified at the state of the kitchen when he came home, in fact a bachelor's pad might describe it. I don't have organisational skills , only yarn ogling skills . We have an advert here suggesting a pavement is cleaner than your kitchen table ..so they've seen mine .

     
  • At 3:35 AM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Oh yeah....'snart'....I don't know so much about the cat snart..Smooch doesn't seem to be into it, but my Blue-dog? SNART. and that stuff is like....snail slime or glue, take your pick, to clean off the glass.
    I'd buy anybook you care to write.

     
  • At 5:30 AM, Blogger Robin said…

    ROFLMAO....I have another title for you~~"Darnitol; Let's Knit"!

     
  • At 7:58 AM, Blogger ccr in MA said…

    I lost the start of a post when the computer froze and had to be rebooted (must replace computer!), and I know just what you mean, it's awful when that happens! An HOUR? And someone else to blame? Boy, would he be in the doghouse.

     
  • At 12:33 PM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Oh woman! I am with you on the housework ALL THE WAY! Though I'm afraid I do have a fondness for power tools (and still have all appendages intact and accounted for).

     
  • At 12:54 AM, Blogger Artis-Anne said…

    Found your blog via Jo's and had to pop in . I have laughed so much at your list of books : love them all . Plus the 'matching 'boots hilarious . I want to know, does the reviving the man bit have any connection with the sex shop next door , or is it the heart attack !!

     
  • At 5:40 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    I have long lived by the motto that life's too short...for ironing or cleaning...so I do the bare minimum, just to avoid overdoing it if someone is coming to visit.

     
  • At 8:05 AM, Anonymous marti said…

    take kitty nose prints and puppy paws and you have a priceless wonder.

    i'll miss you at knitting tonight, wish i didn't have to be a gazillion places all at the same time.

     

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