The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Day of Days

Those of you who know me well may already suspect that, were I to be issued a kindergarten-style report card, I would not get a row of happy faces under such topics as "waits patiently", "relinquishes control", or "accepts the unknown". It is for this and a variety of similar reasons (more specifically, that I am an easily wound up control freak with the patience of the yarn starved at a free yarn giveaway) that I find myself attempting various sorts of distraction from the many unknowns in my life (unknowns such as: "will I get into nursing school?" "will I work myself into a rabid frenzy waiting to find out?" "will foam around my mouth be considered a disqualifying factor if I am selected for an interview?" "when will Mr. K find the job of his dreams?" "how many cupboards and drawers will he leave open in the interim?" and "how many times can one man pee in the same toilet without actually recognizing the boundaries of that toilet?"). For instance:

Did you know that today is National Pi Day? (Mmm...I like chocolate pi.....) No, really. It is. National 3.1415926 etc. Day. How cool of a number do you have to be to get your own day? I mean, I think 5,468 is a perfectly lovely number and IT doesn't have its own day. I am a bit surprised that they don't let us have it earlier in the month--between the 3rd and the 4th-- and call it March 3.14th.

It's also National Children's Craft Day which, amazingly, is not followed tomorrow by National Scrape Paint Out of the Carpet Day, National Glitter All Over Hell's Half Acre Day, or National Try to Get Glue Off the Dog Day.

I'm personally looking forward to the 19th which, I'm reliably informed, is National Chocolate Covered Caramel Day, possibly because it is the start of National Chocolate Week. It's also National Act Happy Day but c'mon--if I have chocolate covered caramels, I don't have to ACT happy. Seriously, guys. I couldn't make this stuff up....although it's worth noting that March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. I may participate in that one....assuming I can think of something more interesting than "Sit on the Couch and Knit Day". The 27th is Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day, and I think we could have some fun with that one. Always assuming any of us can come up with anything stranger than "I'm gonna hire a wino to decorate our home" (it's a real title folks, I swear on my sock yarn stash).

Oh, and today is also National Organize Your Home Office Day, but I'm saving that one for the 23rd, which is also National Near Miss Day and National Puppy Day. I figure if I don't manage to miss the whole cleaning the office thing, maybe I'll find a puppy in there. Either way, it's a win.

Now, if you want to think bigger, this week offers us National Toad Hollow Week, International Brain Awareness Week (a week too early for my finals, tragically...but it's safe to say that my brain has suffered a lack of awareness for some time so it's no surprise), World Clown Week and, I swear to all that's wooly, Turkey Vultures Return to the Living Sign week. I have read that at least 11 times and I STILL have no idea what that means. I only know that the idea of turkey vulture zombies is a tad bit.....concerning. I'm going to sit by the windows tonight and watch for large birds with glazed eyes seeking brains. I know that the responsible among you will want to join me in this. National Procrastination Week was the 5th through the 11th but I apparently put it off and missed it.

Now, March does happen to be National Craft Month (yay!) which certainly appeals to me, but it also happens to be National Talk to Your Teen About Sex Month, the combination of which leads to some mind-boggling thoughts, doesn't it? Somehow I envision some dedicated mom out there making a triptych about the miracle of ovulation out of assorted colors and shapes of macaroni glued onto cardboard panels. I think Knitty has a pattern for a knitted uterus...that would fit right in, although the average teenager would suffer an injury laughing when presented with a stuffed, knitted uterus. Given the challenges of all this, I think it's good that March is also National Optimism Month (that mom with the macaroni is going to need it). It's also National Umbrella Month (in case you have to optimistically make macaroni art about sex for your teenager in the rain) and International Ideas Month (in case someone overseas has a better idea than macaroni pictures to optimistically teach your teenager about sex in the rain). It all comes together. That said, it's also March to College Days and it's worth considering that if the college in question is quite far away, your teen may arrive there too tired to think about sex. Then again, that may be the optimist in me.

It's also National Mirth Month and National Caffeine Awareness month; an interesting combo in that without the latter, Mr. K can safely be said to possess absolutely none of the former. None. Moreover, I think it impossible for a man who drinks two pots of coffee and several cans of Pepsi every day to be any more aware of caffeine than he is. But at least he's mirthful about it.

Okay, yes. I am clearly taking leave of my senses. I'm not sure when National Out of Your Mind with the Infernal WAITING day is, but you can bet I'm counting the days. Every National one of them.

Source for the above stuff that strangely amuses Ms. K today can be found here.

Quote for the day, courtesy Louisa May Alcott: "I'm no longer afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my own ship."


  • At 5:28 PM, Blogger Jo at Celtic Memory Yarns said…

    My darling Ms Knitingale you made me laugh myself sick! Why are you bothering with nursing school when you could make a fortune speaking at public functions? (Ok, so they'd probably put you behind bars once or twice, but not before the dessert course surely.) And I think it's about time we had a published Ms Knitingales Blog. Any knitting publishers out there listening?

  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    I quite agree, Jo. Will there be any more 'holidays' left? I mean, chocolate is covered, coffee, crafts,....clowns, zombie turkey vultures...can there be more to life?!?!....... ;^)

  • At 6:04 PM, Blogger Dianne said…

    I totally agree with Jo..You are such a gifted writer..but yet I know you have a passion for the nursing...have both!! Once you're accepted AND you WILL'll surely have plenty to write about!! ..Happy Knitting~~

  • At 10:15 PM, Blogger Kit said…

    Y'know what I'm looking at? Oh yeah. National Sleep Awareness week.

    Missed it, though. Slept right through a third of it, was unaware the rest of it. Damn, I suck.

    I wonder about the International Internet Mom weeks. Is that like having Internet friends or internet lovers? How does one give internet birth? I imagine it's less painful than the real thing.

    And finally the Week of Solidarity with People Struggling Against Racism & National Cleaning Week. I didn't realize that uniting with other people who struggle against racism was just such a dirty pastime.

    Keep up the laughs, darling. I had to knock myself back into breathing a few times.

  • At 5:50 AM, Blogger ccr in MA said…

    I somehow missed Procrastination Week as well. Does anyone celebrate that? I mean, anyone who procrastinates is, like me, likely to miss the boat. (Flashback to 8th grade, Current Events, Sister Michaelinda ... shudder)

  • At 7:29 AM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    So today is:
    * Absolutely Incredible Kid Day (and I got a couple of those!)
    * Brutus Day
    * Companies That Care Day (good day for one of 'em to hire Mr. K!)
    * Ides of March
    * True Confessions Day (hmmmm...could be fun)
    Man, I gotta bookmark that site! All of these cool holidays passing me by...

  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    Oh dear those procrastination comments are just too funny ....the whole thing is . I'm waiting for "Buying your Mum her weight in Belgian chocolates day"

  • At 2:27 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    ROFLMAOWTIME - you've sure got National Mirth Month nailed! And geez, I missed National Procrastination Week again? Hell's bell's. Oh well, I still haven't managed to join the National Procrastinator's Club, and I think I first heard about that when I was 8 or so...

    (And I am somehow darkly suspicious of a verification word that consists of 'pssywcvc'. Is it Blogger or my feelthy mind that makes me notice all these??)


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