Dear Inner Child:
While I am aware that a little...shall we say...expression....is healthy for you, I'm afraid the time has come for us to discuss the concept of moderation. Now, don't look at me like that. Just because Debi has the Socks that Rock yarn in the Hot Flash colorway and you don't, is no reason to pout. No, you will not die if you don't get it. Stop kicking your heels on the floor. You have plenty of sock yarn. PLENTY. You have many, many more balls of sock yarn than you will ever have feet, and likely more than you will have hours to knit it. No, I do not believe that you are going to hold your breath until you die. Sock yarn deprivation is not generally fatal, and neither is breathholding. For heaven's sake, it's shades of Pepto Bismol! Wouldn't you like to knit with this lovely, rich blue with the little heathery flecks? Okay, okay! Stop screaming. So, not the blue. Look, many people will have yarn that you don't have. It does not indicate the defeat of the free world. I promise.
While we're at it, this business of knitting half a sock and then deciding "it's not pretty enough, I want whatever is in the sock yarn drawer" has got to stop. It was you who insisted on buying it all, and it was you who held your breath until you turned blue when I said we had more than enough Koigu. Now you can't think of anything you want to make with the Koigu? And don't get me started on the Schaeffer Anne. Do you have any idea how much that cost? And you won't knit with it because "it's not fun enough"? Look, would you even WEAR socks striped in assorted bright colors with feathers and glitter?--because I swear to wooly mammals everywhere that that's all you'd ever knit with if I didn't rein you in sometimes.
No, I do not care to know what the OTHER knitters let their inner children buy. That's besides the point. If the other inner children all started knitting with neon green acrylic, would you? I thought not. Yes, you're probably quite right--I AM the meanest outer knitter in the world. Get away from that hot pink glittery stuff you got me to buy! I mean it, now--from what possible planet did the idea of hot pink glittery socks take off??
Yes, I did see the new Knitty. Yes, those knee socks are quite lovely. But don't think I don't know what you're up to, Missy. You'll beg and whine and plead with me to make those socks. We'll have to go buy yarn because they call for more than most socks and so we don't have enough of any one kind--besides which most of what we DO have looks like an explosion in a magic marker factory (due to your stellar taste), which might be a tad distracting from the lovely cable work. So, we'll go buy more sock yarn. You'll probably even behave yourself as we choose the yarn and it won't be until we sit down and start to knit them that you'll start whining that plain yarn isn't fun enough and knee socks take too looo--oong and let's go knit something with the sparkly hot pink yarn! Yeah, I've got your number, Kid. In fact, I really ought to suspend your computer privileges once and for all so you can't keep getting these ideas.
What? NO, I'm not going to e-mail the people at Blue Moon just to see if they have that damned pink yarn! Did you hear anything I just said? What do you mean you already e-mailed them??? Did I say you could--wait, what did they say? I mean, not that I care. Of course I don't care. There is a ton of sock yarn out there just waiting to be knitted.
But....what DID they say?
See, you're doing it again. Quit looking so smug. Okay, fine, so they'll have it in stock in a few weeks. That doesn't mean I'm buying it! It absolutely does not. I cannot reward this sneaking around behavior with more sock yarn. I'm grounding you as of this instant. And you can just forget about the Pepto Bismol yarn. Quit kicking the wall. I mean it this time. I do. I....
When did they say it would be in again? And it's how much a skein? Hmm...and it only takes one skein for a pair of socks, and they have all those other really wonderful colorways, so if I was ordering anyway--not that I am of course, I'm just saying--but if I did it would just make sense to ship two since the shipping isn't much more....
You know, if we end up living in a pile of yarn by the side of the road, I'm blaming you. And I'm blaming you for this, too, even though I actually quite love it:
Yeah, yeah, okay, you can have the blasted pink yarn. But this is absolutely the last time. I am not giving in to you again. What? Well, yeah...I guess if they come out with a really nice colorway in the shades of green I've been coveting.....and of course we must keep an eye on what the Yarn Pirate does....and you're right, of course, that there might be some really great stuff at the Yarn and Fiber Expo in April.
I hate you, Inner child. I really do.
Your Outer Knitter
p.s. no, you may not have cookies for dinner......but, out of curiousity, what kind do we have?