The Life and Times of Florence Knitingale

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

On Lightening Rods and First Dates

Mr. K's presentation went brilliantly. I hear that people were telling him it was the best they'd seen so far (and there are only two more to go) and that they "need someone like him here." We don't know when they'll decide whom to hire, but they definitely like him very much. (I can totally understand that....) I've no doubt whatsoever that all of your good energy contributed significantly to this fine turn of events. (Especially those of you who said it was okay to eat trifle for breakfast--you rule.)
However, I'm equally sure of another thing: my entire purpose in life yesterday was to be a stupidity rod for all the bad things that might have befallen my dear hubby. Back in the way old days, bridesmaids and groomsmen were at weddings for precisely that purposoe--the fooling of evil spirits and suchlike--so the happy couple might remain...well...happy. I never gave much thought to the poor decoys until yesterday. All I can say is this: I hope he gets this job, or another one very soon. Because if I have to be his stupidity rod for a dozen more interviews.....well, my legs will be fluffy and shiny, my homework will mysteriously fill with more and more farm animals, the electricity from my laundry will take out at least one of the cats, chocolate futures will go sky high, and my yarn stash will run yipping in fear from me. As will the surviving cats.

See? It's already starting. But, speaking of yarn (which is what I generally speak of when I'm not speaking of chocolate), my knitting yesterday went much as predicted. Which is to say, I spent a couple of soothing hours with yarn and needles and produced....ultimately, a ball of yarn and some needles. I'm not sure it's entirely the fault of this stupidity rod thing, though. In all honesty, I confess that it's not the first time that this has happened. In fact, I spend inordinate amounts of time at my home, settling disputes between pattern and yarn.

See, I pick out a pattern that I think is lovely. I pick out some yarn that I think is lovely. For whatever unholy reason, I imagine that they will get along well with one another. I introduce them and they immediately stare at me in disbelief. Then, one or both of them will start to question the character and quality of the other. There's a bit of namecalling, occasionally a bit of fisticuffs. It's all downhill after that. I usually attempt to push the issue, and it just gets ugly. One starts making nasty insinuations about the other one's mama, one makes anatomically impossible suggestions to the's bad. Because I'm stubborn, I push on. Sometimes, I can convince them to at least TRY one another, but this is typically a bad idea. The resulting love child is invariably so hideous that it should have a bag over its head. I know, you think I'm being cruel. But seriously--go back in my blog and look at the first incarnation of the crayon sock. Go ahead. I'll wait.

See? Now you're wishing you'd had a bag over your own head, just so you didn't have to see the thing, aren't you? (I know I was.)

Such was the way of things yesterday, as I was quietly sitting in my living room, drawing stupidity and clumsiness to me like my relatives at a family reunion drawn to the watered-down punch-flavored kool-aid. Oh, it wasn't that the love child was that bad...but it was a mismatch, to be sure. I'm not sure why. The pattern was free from Angora Valley and the yarn was Monarch, the very one called for in the pattern. And yet, they might as well have been the high school quarterback and the band geek for all they got along (I can say that because I was a major band geek....if you are a band geek and are offended, however, please know that I hold you in the highest esteem. It's the cheerleaders and quarterbacks I'm not too sure about.). Somehow, the yarn seemed too heavy for the pattern and what came out looked much like a lacy hiking sock. Or a gorilla in a tiara. Something like that. I love them both...but definitely not together.

Happily, though, once Mr. K called to tell me all was well, I was able to disengage the gorilla from the tiara and start the pattern over with Schaeffer Anne. The Anne was definitely more to the pattern's liking. They started flirting with one another right away and were holding hands in no time.

I think I even noticed some ear nibbling, and the yarn (hussy that she is) has been primping all day long. If all continues to go well--if their next date is successful--I hear they're going to try for twins.


  • At 3:37 PM, Blogger Dianne said…

    Very vibrant yarn you have there Ms. K..and as alway..I'm sitting here giggling out loud..thanks for bringing such laughter into my home.
    It sounds like Mr.K was well received and I am sure he is THE MAN they are looking for.
    As for trifle for there a bad time for chocolate?..I think NOT!!Happy Knitting..and good luck on the conception of your twins...would that be considered immaculate?

  • At 3:47 PM, Blogger Marianne said…

    Twins would be great!
    I'm not at all a bit surprised that company wants Steve...he is one very cool and knowledgeable dude, brilliant is the word.
    Oh yeah, I'd encourage that yarn and pattern as much as possible...

  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger Kim said…

    I just want to say, "Hooray band geeks!" Glockenspiel here, three years. :)

  • At 12:04 AM, Anonymous angie Cox said…

    Oh dear I am just spluttering dribble all over the Pooter ..what a gem .I never knew that wedding thing cos I never had that kind of wedding I am thinking about a couple I could have employed there !
    The trouble is Forence you have a mind of your own and know what you like. I think the yarn called for by Rowan for her cardigan is rubbish and will be starting again with some "Silkwood" later on . My friend who works in an L.Y.S tells me that an awful lot of folks must have the exact yarn for a pattern ...worse they must have the colour in the picture ( oh dear !). When , like me, you are a Jane Thornley fan you can hear the pain as she tries to induce some knitters to choose colours that go together or just what they like .Kaffe taught us that years ago ( he was never pedantic). I guess my love of pastels, pencils and Crayola crayons set me up for deciding what I liked long ago ( Periwinkle...thank-you Crayola you changed one little girl's World forever with all those shades and names ). Please be kind to the cats , although my neice was mugged this week a cat.Like me she talks to them on the street .Anyhow on the way home she chatted to one who followed her ...and followed her then sank his teeth into her wrist.As she splattered blood over London a man came to her rescue and took her to casualty where she was given shots , stitches etc. Her hand swelled up which is a problem as she sews window display items by hand for Harrods. Sewing and knitting are big in our family.

  • At 12:08 AM, Blogger Jo said…

    Beautiful yarn as ever, may they make beautiful music together and live happily ever after.

  • At 3:06 AM, Blogger Lynn said…

    I've been knitting with Anne for about a week and a half, using 0000s and a generous sprinkling of childbirth words. [Don't worry; your Anne is not cheating on your DP's. *My* Anne is green.] Love the colors, love the hand of the yarn, love the finished project(s). Have a couple more to do and then will find somebody with a camera to document my insanity. Read your blog to LittleBit, and she loved it. I don't know that I'm going to make socks or footies with what's left; I was thinking more along the lines of a scarf or a Moebius variation to keep my neck warm at my desk.

  • At 7:48 AM, Blogger Kitty Mommy said…

    Oh my! That is some gorgeous yarn! I can't wait to see the twins.

    Glad to hear that Mr. K's gig went well and I hope today is going much better for you.

    Oh, another band geek here! As an adult, I was much gratified to find out that the biggest weirdos in high school are the adults that actually worth getting to know. Go geeks!

  • At 2:46 PM, Anonymous MonicaPDX said…

    Hi Flo - boy, I had a wonderful time catching up! Madly giggling all the way through since the 18th. You have been having some adventures, haven't you? ;) The mosaic socks are absolutely incredible, and good on ya for daring the dyeing. (Yeah, that was deliberate...) See, I told you you could do it. You just have to get a few more solid skeins under your belt, then on to handpainting. [eg] As to tangled skeins - um, did you figure-8 tie them with scrap yarn in a few spots before starting? That helps. Not as much as all the books say, of course, but does help. It has to be done loosely, mind you, so the dye can penetrate; otherwise you get an ikat result in those spots. ;)

    And as added enablement, might I suggest getting The Twisted Sisters Sock Workbook by Lynne Vogel. [eg] Upon reading the blurb (ck. out Amazon, of course), you might not think it's got enough dyeing info in it because of the hand-spinning and pattern info... But among all the books I have on handpainting, I think this has the best dyeing info. It's not a huge book, but it's packed full of good stuff. Plus the pix are fantastic, and it doesn't cost a mint. (Note on dyeing books: Everyone uses different brands of dye, so don't let that worry you. Acid dyes are acid dyes, you just want the books for the dyeing methods.) If you really get bitten by the bug before you get any books in hand, there are sites galore on the web to help out. Dharma Trading is one - - and I can send you others if you want.

    Gee, I'm just an enabling fool here, aren't I? ;)

    Otherwise: Good luck to Mr. K, may they snap him up posthaste; I'm still sending good vibes re your ap (and ROFL on the new school location); loved the cat pix, as usual, please give Ed and Gracie my love; and thanks for all the laughs, especially in concentrated mode! Now I've got the phrase Tipsy Trifle Ho running through my head, which really, sort of seems appropriate. For me, that is, considering how my brain works.

    (You look really good in broadband, btw. Hee.)


Post a Comment

<< Home