End of the Quarter...well, not BLUES...Pinks?
The final test of the quarter, Chemistry, is out of the way. Not that I'm really ready for this quarter to be done or anything, but I had some difficulty formulating a reasonable answer for the extra credit question, which was "In two or more complete paragraphs, explain how chemistry affects the world around you and your every day life, using information from our lectures. BE SPECIFIC." I'm pretty sure this wouldn't have done it:
"Well, you're asking me to go back to the beginning of the quarter and, honestly, I've been doing a brain dump after every test ever since you told us there wouldn't be a cumulative final. Frankly, I'm not sure I could tell you what color the textbook is at this point, and I feel fortunate that I actually know it's a chemistry class. I'll take a shot at it, though.
The way chemistry has affected my life over the last several weeks has been to force me out of bed at an ungodly hour to listen to two hours of lecture punctuated by cruel and unusual bubbliness. It has given me headaches, a nervous tic in my left eye, and nightmares about tiny tiny particles running around bonding to one another and demanding that I draw little dot pictures of them. Because of chemistry, I have learned that I cannot actually tear a hardback book in two with my bare hands, a chemistry book does not bounce, and it is better to study outside when working on Lewis dot structures, because there are no windows to get in the way of flying books as long as you hurl them away from the house.
While I was charmed by the little salsa dance you did to demonstrate the excitability of molecules on the surface of water about to be evaporated, I can honestly say that I will never look at a glass of drinking water the same way again.....nor will I dance in front of anyone without making sure I have a good bra on. It seems that good support is important for chemistry. Who knew? Chemistry has also made me think, if by "think" you understand that I mean "ponder weepily what I've done wrong to deserve this, and desperately try to think of something I could change my major to that won't require classes that cause my brain to attempt to run screaming from my head". So far with that restriction it seems I'm limited to a major in "polishing my nails", "putting my clothes on in the right order" or "successful showering without drowning". Since I never polish my nails, I'm really probably stuck with just the other two options. But yes, chemistry has clearly had an impact on my life and I can honestly say that this class gets the blame/credit/profanity it deserves."
The second extra credit question: "What did you enjoy most about this class?" wasn't much better, as I rather suspect that "the way the mist hangs in the trees out the classroom window on a rainy morning" wasn't completely what she had in mind. Nor was "it got to be over eventually" or "I will never have to take it again, especially now that my brain has defected".
On the way home, I stopped at a take and bake pizza place, Mr. K's request, to pick up a pizza for dinner. The store was only just open and there was not a single customer in sight other than myself. I placed the order, paid for the order, and was just about to put away my checkbook when the counter girl said cheerily "Okay, can I get your name so I can call you when it's ready?" I should point out there that the entire area in the front of the store is no bigger than my kitchen, and I couldn't actually get more than 10 feet from the assembly line where she creates the pizza without ever leaving my sight. I was really tempted to stand there when she finished with it and stare at her until she asked why I wasn't taking it so I could tell her that she hadn't called my name so I wasn't totally sure it was mine and not one of the invisible people jostling me for space.
Okay, yeah. Chemistry makes me mean. I admit it. Hey, maybe I should have put that on the test. I wonder what the equation for that would be....
If F is Florencium (me), and Ch is chemistry, then F + 1/4 Ch ----MF + BF, where MF = Meanochloric Florencium and BF = Brain Failure.
"Well, you're asking me to go back to the beginning of the quarter and, honestly, I've been doing a brain dump after every test ever since you told us there wouldn't be a cumulative final. Frankly, I'm not sure I could tell you what color the textbook is at this point, and I feel fortunate that I actually know it's a chemistry class. I'll take a shot at it, though.
The way chemistry has affected my life over the last several weeks has been to force me out of bed at an ungodly hour to listen to two hours of lecture punctuated by cruel and unusual bubbliness. It has given me headaches, a nervous tic in my left eye, and nightmares about tiny tiny particles running around bonding to one another and demanding that I draw little dot pictures of them. Because of chemistry, I have learned that I cannot actually tear a hardback book in two with my bare hands, a chemistry book does not bounce, and it is better to study outside when working on Lewis dot structures, because there are no windows to get in the way of flying books as long as you hurl them away from the house.
While I was charmed by the little salsa dance you did to demonstrate the excitability of molecules on the surface of water about to be evaporated, I can honestly say that I will never look at a glass of drinking water the same way again.....nor will I dance in front of anyone without making sure I have a good bra on. It seems that good support is important for chemistry. Who knew? Chemistry has also made me think, if by "think" you understand that I mean "ponder weepily what I've done wrong to deserve this, and desperately try to think of something I could change my major to that won't require classes that cause my brain to attempt to run screaming from my head". So far with that restriction it seems I'm limited to a major in "polishing my nails", "putting my clothes on in the right order" or "successful showering without drowning". Since I never polish my nails, I'm really probably stuck with just the other two options. But yes, chemistry has clearly had an impact on my life and I can honestly say that this class gets the blame/credit/profanity it deserves."
The second extra credit question: "What did you enjoy most about this class?" wasn't much better, as I rather suspect that "the way the mist hangs in the trees out the classroom window on a rainy morning" wasn't completely what she had in mind. Nor was "it got to be over eventually" or "I will never have to take it again, especially now that my brain has defected".
On the way home, I stopped at a take and bake pizza place, Mr. K's request, to pick up a pizza for dinner. The store was only just open and there was not a single customer in sight other than myself. I placed the order, paid for the order, and was just about to put away my checkbook when the counter girl said cheerily "Okay, can I get your name so I can call you when it's ready?" I should point out there that the entire area in the front of the store is no bigger than my kitchen, and I couldn't actually get more than 10 feet from the assembly line where she creates the pizza without ever leaving my sight. I was really tempted to stand there when she finished with it and stare at her until she asked why I wasn't taking it so I could tell her that she hadn't called my name so I wasn't totally sure it was mine and not one of the invisible people jostling me for space.
Okay, yeah. Chemistry makes me mean. I admit it. Hey, maybe I should have put that on the test. I wonder what the equation for that would be....
If F is Florencium (me), and Ch is chemistry, then F + 1/4 Ch ----MF + BF, where MF = Meanochloric Florencium and BF = Brain Failure.
posted by Ms. Knitingale @ 11:58 AM
6 Comments:
At 3:13 PM,
Holly said…
Well I'll say this Florence you must have found the Pizza place of my dreams where the girl takes the flour, Mozzarella etc and makes it from scratch .Your wait was obviously for the dough to rise ...I hope you weren't too hungry!
At 4:59 PM,
beckie said…
Oh, Chemistry..I believe I had the same bubbly teacher at 7 am in the summer..How crazy those teacher are...
At 6:09 PM,
Marianne said…
I am sooo very glad this semester is over, finished, kapooooot. and you won't ever have to do it again, ever. Enjoy the break....what next? a bit of holiday time?
What an incredible relief. I am so happy for you!
At 4:18 AM,
Anonymous said…
Y'know, there are times when I'm really, really, really, really glad I didn't go to college. Really. ;) Of course, I would've been on the languages track, so not likely to run into chemistry, but still... The nervous breakdown woulda happened a lot earlier, I can tell. (I mean, can you see me as UN interpreter if I'd managed to even make it through college without cracking up? Can we say oops, global thermonuclear war, so sorry, I got nervous when the rep from Itzikwania was yelling at me?)
"What did you enjoy most about this class", indeed. ::snort:: Were you able to resist answering, "The fact that my prof had obviously been indulging a wee bit too much with experimentation in the lab during her own graduate studies, or perhaps later in her career?" [veg] 'Cause really, y'know, the woman sounds whacked. (Salsa dance?!??)
I would've written some rhapsody about the interaction of chocolate with the brain. Or some such. Speaking of chocolate, go eat some. You deserve it!
At 7:58 AM,
Kitty Mommy said…
I'm so glad you survived with sense of humor intact! I second the hope that you get some kind of break before having to get back to hitting the books!
At 9:19 AM,
Joanna said…
(Blogger just ate my comment take 2) Well at least you can write all those fancy figures down into some kind of chemical mathematical conundrum, you clever ass! Me I'm just decorative!
Post a Comment
<< Home