Ms. K's Trashy Roots
The radio station I listen to (trust me, I'm going to tie these two paragraphs together--just hang in there) has started asking people "What behavior or thing best exlempifies trailer trash to you?" And that, of course, has opened up a whole bunch of things in my busy little brain. To paraphrase Mr. Foxworthy, I think that being trailer trash can mean "a glorious lack of sophistication" rather than a cruel label--so please don't take offense on anyone's behalf. Seriously, there ain't no one trailer trashier than we were, so if I'M not offended.....(yeah, yeah, I'm the one writing it....let's just let that slide for the minute, shall we?). These are almost all firsthand knowledge, by the way....
You may have some trailer park in your blood if:
- You have ever inadvertantly purchased something back that you gave to the Goodwill (and if you refer to as "the" Goodwill, that's an extra clue)
- You have ever gone to the grocery store in a bikini and flipflops, after the age of about six. Extra points if you were towing about three small children with you, and still more if you were there to buy beer.
- You have ever screamed at your children in Walmart. Bonus points if you did it without ever taking the cigarette out of your mouth(Note, I said I'd experienced most of these things--I haven't actually DONE them all)
- Your mom had a different little cigarette pouch to match each of her strapless, terrycloth dresses for the summer.
- You thought "salisbury steak" really was steak until you reached adulthood
- Your dad ever sat on the bed in his underwear, firing rock salt through a slit in the window screen at the neighbors yapping dog (yes, he really did--never wake my dad up prematurely from a nap)
- You thought the next door neighbors were terribly sophisticated because they kept twinkies in the freezer and made sandwiches on Wonder Bread
- You had the entire TV schedule so well memorized that you could look at any television anywhere and immediately know the time to within half an hour.
- You had a whole set of matched glassware, or did until someone broke the one with Speedy Gonzales on it.
- Your mom ever went out to an anniversary dinner with your father wearing curlers in her hair (yes, she did. She wanted to look nice for her doctor's appointment the next day.).
- Your mother could smoke and sunbathe at the same time--with her top untied to avoid strap marks
- You had pets with names that could not be repeated in polite company
- You ever went trick-or-treating dressed as Minnie Pearl (yes, I really did).
- Your most prized piece of jewelry for many years was a teeny tiny Pepsi can on a faux silver chain. Extra points if it turned your neck black.
- You ever wore a Budweiser T-shirt to school. Especially if you're a girl.
- You know what I mean when I say "scrunch up the foil on the rabbit ears a bit more--I can't see 'Hee Haw'!" LOTS of points if anyone in your house ever said it.
- The 6-year-old next door used his middle finger as a pointer finger, and swore more than anyone you knew...except your mom.
- You ever owned a pair of high heeled, calf-high, denim boots. With belt loops and pockets. AND thought they were the height of sophistication (yes, I did that, too. In my defense, I was 14 at the time).
- You ran over the mailbox while learning to drive....and it didn't really look any different. (yep...that, too.)
- You ever set the fake grass on your grandma's porch on fire with a sparkler (I know--I really didn't have to go much beyond the "fake grass on the porch" bit, did I?)
- The snooty neighbors were the ones with a double wide--and their garbage cans had lids, too.
- You or anyone you know had their porch fall off
- You or anyone you know regularly wore a halter top with a regular bra. Extra points if the brastraps were held up with at least one safety pin.
- You've ever had to move the cars off the lawn to mow it.
It's all true, folks. It's kind of odd, isn't it, that I've never attempted to make and wear a knitted bikini? To the grocery store? At the age of 40+?
Now that's an image no one needed....= )