Deep Thoughts Monday

It’s 5:00 am on a Monday, and I am remembering a friend of mine who used to say he had perfectly happy not knowing that 5:00 came twice a day. I don’t usually agree with this, but at this moment the sky outside my window is inky black and the allure of the covers is strong, indeed. And I am introspective this morning, possibly because I’ve been working on an autobiography for psychology class and revisiting the child I was and still carry with me, to some extent. I was wishing, not for the first time, that I could revisit her for real—actually slip through time like a bad 50’s sci-fi—and tell her some things that my 41-year-old self had to learn slowly and sometimes later than I would have liked.

For instance:
Dignity is overrated. No one cares if you look foolish—they’re too busy worrying about how they look. If you want to sing, cry, whistle, ride the merry-go-round—do
Sometimes fear will ride with you and there won’t be much you can do. Fear won’t kill you, but it will kill your dreams. Sometimes, I think that’s worse.
The body you hate at 20 will be the body you wish you had at 30, and you’ll hate that 30-year-old one, too, until you’re 40. Does this strike you as nuts? Love it now, love it because it’s yours, love it because life goes by too damned quickly to waste it sweating about thighs.
Speaking of love, love what you do. Don’t be fooled by money or prestige or “shoulds”. If you’re lucky enough to know what you’re here to do (and I know that you are), then listen to that voice, and trust it.
Be gentle with yourself, but
Don’t hesitate to set the bar high. Whatever it is, you can probably do it. If you can’t, think of what you’ll learn finding that out. No one will think less of you for trying and failing—and if they do, why do you care what they think?
For that matter, “they” are all in your imagination. Remember that—you’re gonna need it.
Don’t lend any energy to anything you want to free yourself from—fear, pain, bad memories. Let ‘em go.
Watch football with Dad instead of waiting to learn about it until you’re 40. Let him teach it to you. If you don’t, you’ll wish you’d had more time with him.
For God’s sake—wear the pink sweater, the good jeans, the new underwear. Whatever you’re saving them for isn’t nearly as important as the day you’re in right now.
There’s going to be some ugliness—I won’t lie to you. You’re going to hurt and you’re going to wonder how in the world you can possibly get through it. But I won’t lie to you about this, either: you’re tough as nails. You’ll get through it. And I swear that the journey is more than worth it.
Those people that are hard to love? I know you know the ones. They’re often the ones that are the most worthy of that love. Take a chance.
In another 10 years, no one in the world will care if you were popular in high school. Or about the people who actually were.
Beautiful is something you choose to be or not. It has absolutely nothing whatever to do with magazines and high fashion.
Quit wasting time wondering about when you’ll finally “arrive”, whether it’s at success or self actualization. You’ll know when you’ve done all you came here to do because you’ll be dead. Meanwhile, enjoy the ride because the ride is what it’s about.
You’re enough. Really. You have what you need. You have stuff you don’t even know you have. You have stuff that will boggle your mind if you stop thinking you’re not enough and start looking at it. So start!


What about you guys? What would you tell your younger self if you could? And wouldn’t it be way cool if we could?

On a less introspective note, I finished Bianca last night. Here it is, blocking and as yet sans buttons:

I like the sleeves quite a bit, but I kind of wish the whole thing were just a tad longer.....it's not quite as bad as a mitten for my boobs, but it's close.